Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

What May Be Ours

Dipping your toes in the spring,
they authored gentle ripples.
I held your hand there.

Later, I showed you how to skip a rock across the water.
The joy on your face when you got it just right,
I will never forget.

To our right, a murmur of starlings
blacked out our piece of the sky.
It wasn't theirs to have, nor was it ours.

As the feathered swifts swirled away,
we saw the early evening stars.
They too were not ours to possess,
but the memories surely must be.
They seem enough for me.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.


The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "What May Be Ours" is a beautiful tribute to the fleeting moments of joy and beauty that we experience in life. The imagery is vivid and evocative, transporting the reader to a peaceful spring day by the water. The author's use of sensory details, such as the gentle ripples caused by dipping toes in the water and the joy on a loved one's face, creates a tangible sense of nostalgia and longing.

The poem's central theme of transience is skillfully woven throughout, with the starlings and evening stars serving as poignant reminders of the impermanence of all things. The final lines capture the bittersweet nature of memory and the comfort it can bring in the face of loss.

One suggested line edit would be to change "I will never forget" to "I'll never forget." The contraction creates a more informal tone that fits with the overall mood of the poem.

Overall, "What May Be Ours" is a thought-provoking and beautifully crafted poem that invites the reader to reflect on the fleeting nature of life's most precious moments.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to

memories of walks and hikes with my boys, times that are bolstered by lots of pictures.
But sometimes, we don't get to have pictures. Sometimes, we have to rely on those memories alone.
I am sure that these memories are pretty accurate, and will never be forgotten. "They seem enough for me".

The hope that the other person holds these memories to be as precious as do you, is a part of the magic
that you felt, is a great piece of the poem. It makes your memory all the more special.
I don't see any changes that I would make. ~ Geezer.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Lovely thoughts

(c) No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.