Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

What’s happiness?

Adjusting my mask every morning is what I call happiness.
The kind of happiness that no one understands,
The kind of happiness that prevents my demons from attacking in the night.

They say to be happy and strong,
But nobody knows the weight silence holds,
Or when it’ll stop eating the air I breathe.

My heart is running dry as time goes on.
There is no shoulder to cry on,
No mother to cry on, No sister to cry on, Nobody to cry on.

I’d be better off as a cat sprawled in light strikes scrawled on the floor,
With the sun streaming through the window, the rays of warmth weighing on my eyelids
Free to close with the ease of a purr humming through my throat.

I’m better off inside, belly full of attention from those that love me unconditionally.
But the only thing I’m allowed to have is;
Unconditional love from the people who only witness me with my mask.

Adjusting my mask every second of the day is what keeps me going,
The only thing that keeps me from drowning in the middle of the ocean,
Where there is no one but darkness and water around me.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
-- Please be honest about what you think of this poem --
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

on the contest! I'm not sure that the title has much to do with the poem, but maybe someone will give you a better idea.
I was skeptical at first, of the premise of the piece, but then thinking about it, saw that; yes, a person that is scared and alone, putting up a brave front, like a super-hero; is an alter-ego! There is not much that I would change. I do think that I would leave the "No shoulder to cry on" but change the "No mother to cry on, etc. to "No mother to cry [with] no sister to cry [with] and no one to cry [with]. I think the word you are looking for in the sentence "I'd be better off as a cat... should be streaks instead of [strikes]. Other than that, I think this is a well thought out piece of work. Good luck in the contest, I hope that we see more from you in the near-future. ~ Geezer.
.

Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Even if you just say: I liked this story or your spelling
of a word is wrong, take the time to write a line or two
and comment. Your fellow poets will thank you!
.

it is very nice to meet you. I could identify with your poem. it reminds me of myself when I was in my teens! I agree with what Geezer had to say and offer. I hope to read more of your poetry in the future :)

*hugs, Cat

-

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.