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THE WAIF OF BROKEN WOOD

Her hair was mostly knotted, dreadlock tangled ropes,
That wove their worried carpet covered hood,
Across the thinning features of her somewhat frozen face,
In the fashion of the waif of Broken Wood.

Her eyes were wide as buttons, with dilated pupils stark,
Staring with starvation if they could,
But she didn't know her hunger 'mid her torment in the dark,
This catatonic waif from Broken Wood.

On admission I was told that she was born in Broken Wood,
A little country town of no esteem,
She had lived the last five years in a schizophrenic hell,
And now her mind was welded to a dream.

And she looked beyond my image as she watched through concrete walls,
With no difference if she sat or if she stood,
I could tell it was so fearful that my own skin would have crawled,
Had I known the dismal nightmare of the waif of Broken Wood.

So we tried our best to reach her, tried to stimulate her senses,
Shone our torches in her eyes until our batteries were no good,
Shouted names into her ears stuck in pins till we caused tears,
But we never raised an answer from the waif of Broken Wood.

Then one day while it was raining lightning flashed and thunder boomed,
As the waif of Broken Wood sat in her trance,
And there came a dreadful moment of a deep descending gloom,
That even lightning could not lighten with its dance.

And the waif from Broken Wood simply ceased to draw her breath,
As she sat upon her lonely senseless chair,
Closed her eyes in condescending to the vision that was ending,
Dissolved the glue that held her to that penetrating stare.

Then as the storm abated, I realised what I hated,
was the feeling of my uselessness, and sense of deep despair,
It dawned upon me the next day, that all she wanted us to say,
was "we forgive" but then she wasn't there.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Thank you for your kind remarks. Believe it or not this poem was based on true events when I worked at a Mental Health Unit here in Bundaberg we had a similar catatonic patient who simply slipped away one day . I was so moved by her plight that the poem was inspired.

author comment

it was told well, but the rhythm and meter were kind of ragged. I know how difficult it is to make those long lines rhyme and still conform to meter, so I just read it as I would any story. ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Thank you for your kind assessment of the poem. I think meter is a funny thing. Every time I read it I think I should change the pace or syllable structure in order to appease the meter of the poem but that was last weeks opinion, this week it is different again. Where and when do you stop making little tweaks? Everybody reads the rhythm differently anyway. I decided that I was chasing a wildly bouncing ball down a flight of never ending stairs and so decided to leave well enough alone. I'm glad you enjoyed it. It is based on a true story from when I worked as a nurse in a Mental Health Unit.

author comment

You’re a very good poet and story teller.

Tim

The true story was even more tragic. We nursed the waif for weeks before she passed away. I was so moved and touched by her plight that I created the poem some time later. The poem is therefore inspired by the waifs own circumstances, she was the true author and I should not take credit through her loss. Unfortunately her plight is experienced by thousands all over the world and there is little we can do for them.

Thank you for your kind comments

author comment

A tragic tale very well told. Having had some family experience of mental illness (as opposed to snowflakes who think a bad day makes them suffer mentally) I can, in some respect relate to it. But not to what goes on the sufferers mind. I like the way you tell it, simple, straightforward. Alex

Thanks again Alex its good to know that my poetry can reach out a little bit.
Thank you for the praise which helps to reinforce in a positive way my own growing abilities.

Best Regards
Poets Hand
Hannah

author comment

A sad but well told story. Great job!

~RoseBlack~

Dear RoseBlack, Thank you for your comments on my poetry. The positive reinforcement you are giving is very much valued. I am growing as a poet and need to hear that people like my work.

By the way I read your poem "In My Element" and thought it was terrific. It does not waste words but paints a true picture with the few that are left. I loved the inspiration you had with common experiences in capturing the essence of love touch breath ect. It's a great poem.
Kind Regards
Poets Hand
Hannah

author comment

Thank you for your praise. Please feel free to leave a comment under the poem itself. You are a wonderful story teller and I look forward to seeing more of your work.

~RoseBlack~

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