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Untamed temerity By Roscoe Lane (Great Poetry Workshop)

Untamed temerity

Broke the morning air with an uneven stride,
stole three kisses from a bachelor’s loving bride.
Surely I was happy I had nothing of worth to hide,
been working so hard to turn down my secular pride.

Wave after wave kept rolling on their wetted sand,
kept my powder dry, my canon close to my left hand.
the nihilistic brotherhood of toff’s couldn’t understand,
you pluck no other’s strings if you’re a one man bland.

Respects are paid my dues are or maybe coming next,
complicated yes, but what can anyone else expect.
Wrote a few rules but didn’t understand or right a text,
all the old authoritarians seemed awfully conned vexed.

Won’t care for debt, tore a new arsehole through life‘s rule,
why do so many people wait for their joy to begin.
Get up off your knees please declare their palate gruel,
you don’t need their ways having your fun is not a sin.

Order I hear them shout, but this order is for who,
they're the ones flying high in comfort throughout.
Governed by the laws they never seem to give due,
we can’t be the same we have a nose not a snout.

So I am not ever going to bend an unassuming knee,
there’s to much anger, fight and life left in me.
I don’t much care for those who can’t or won’t see,
they can’t tame us, if our hearts and minds are set free.

Here is attached the original link of his submission

http://www.neopoet.com/workshop/poems/untamed-temerity

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Last few words: 
I believe this is the hardest part of this work shop It was never easy to choose from some of those that I have bookmarked since I have come to this site. I apologize to every one of my mates here. To choose just one from many was really difficult. Roscoe is one of the great here and I always look forward to read his work. He touches some very critical issues in such a powerful way and though I don't comment on every piece he writes, this is because either because I lack the time or because I don't have anything to offer to improve.
Editing stage: 

Comments

One man band
Too much anger and fight left in me
write a text
conned and vexed

Would reconsider the suggestions if he feels it suitable. Thanks for the visit

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

author comment

Just dropping in to keep this near top of stream. Will comment later................stan

I'm still waiting:)

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

author comment

get cracking on this one lest you raise the dreaded IRE OF THE SCRIBBLER ...lol...........stan

I think this piece flows relatively well, with just a few mishaps in the meter. I love the tone of righteous anger and the overall content. If there is a failing to me it is a tendency to get wordier as the piece goes along, at times diluting the message. It is an enjoyable read with very few negatives. I think if you were to edit the body and ending to the style of meter in the beginning, you would really have something quite wonderful and (subjectively, to me) something great.

Ron

Blue Demon77

"What I want is to be what I was before the knife,
before the brooch pin, before the salve, fixed me in this parenthesis:
Horses fluent in the wind. A place, a time gone out of mind."

The Eye Mote-Sylvia Plath

I can' t agree more. However it is the rageous tone is what attracted me to this piece regardless of the meter possible flaws . When the text or the subtext touches me i pay less attention to minor flaws but i understand what you mean. Many thanks again

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

author comment
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