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Truth or Dare
Truth like murder will finally come out
A voice that sat in silence, now just has to shout
Truth can truly blind you
It's brighter than the sun
A flame in the dark
Burning like powder from a gun
It may shoot out from the side of your mouth
Or come in the blink of an eye
The way a windscreen shatters, hit by a tiny fly
it’s a bitter pill to swallow
Hard to chew and digest
but like all sickly medicines
it’s prescribed for the best
Been bound and gagged for years, too shy to speak
Truth on the tip of the tongue, does it sound unique
Do you dare to tell her ?
Tell it like it is
The truth is to us, what pain is to his
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
Contest:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Candlewitch
Mon, 2022-05-16 07:14
dear Sen99,
welcome to Neopoet, it is very nice to meet you. I like your title. the poem flows very well as it rolls of the tongue. my favorite lines are:
Been bound and gagged for years, too shy to speak
Truth on the tip of the tongue, does it sound unique
Do you dare to tell her ?
Tell it like it is
The truth is to us, what pain is to his
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Sen99
Wed, 2022-05-18 16:56
Hello Cat
Thank you for the welcome, reading my piece and your kind comments
scribbler
Mon, 2022-05-16 10:37
Welcome to the Asylum
I enjoyed this right up until the last line which in my opinion is very convoluted.
Sen99
Wed, 2022-05-18 16:57
Hello Scribbler
thanks for reading
Ray Whitaker
Fri, 2022-05-20 12:19
Good Morning Sen99
A great piece, this held my attention all the way thru
.
I myself found the last stanza just fine, seems to be a flowing incidence to the previous stanzas,
I only think I'd suggest tuning the rhythm of that last stanza. it is so strong, IMHO, no repeated words are needed.
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Sen99
Fri, 2022-05-20 14:38
Dear Ray
thanks for all your comments
the last stanza need some rhyme just for completion, endings I have to work on, still tuning
Sen99
Fri, 2022-05-20 14:35
Hello Mark
Thanks or your insights, I was just playing on words, maybe truth is often bitter left unsaid
Endings are something I have to work on, this one needed some kind of near rhyme to end