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Trinity

Submitted by Feebie on Mon, 2012-03-12 14:26

A tribute to trinity
as the moon seems to wane
how is one so demented
meant to even remain sane

a tribute to trinity
as the sun sees his early rise
so to does the light of day
show to humanity their slow demise

the killing of the trinity
no more in fear do mere men dwell
for in this new millenium
we have brought home the fires of hell

ancients of trinity long forgotten
buried in downtrodden ruins
no more wisdom to be handed down
all old ways renounced by the moderns

what is to become of trinity
when all things have all but ended
will we ever reach the unattainable infinity
for which all things were originally intended

Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
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Last few words: 
Something different from my normal style so hopefully it makes sense and is a worthwhile read!!
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Candlewitch

Mon, 2012-03-12 15:04

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Good title as it was intrinsic to the poems contents. Good language usage and nice structure. I enjoyed the read. My favorite lines:

ancients of trinity long forgotten
buried in downtrodden ruins
no more wisdom to be handed down
all old ways renounced by the moderns

always, Cat (and alter ego eddy styx)

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China Blue

Mon, 2012-03-12 15:37

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2nd stanza sees rather than see ? Other then that one typo all is good. You haven't lost it girl
Chrys

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

Nordic cloud

Tue, 2012-03-13 14:27

Nordic cloud's picture

I agree with Cat...
I liked this verse although I do not have the same view of the title as yourself.

"what is to become of trinity
when all things have all but ended
will we ever reach the unattainable infinity
for which all things were originally intended"

I hope you reach your infinity, if that's where you wish to be.
Nordic cloud.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

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