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They Never Fade

Submitted by Peri Lune on Sat, 2023-07-08 18:50

Is crying the answer to thoughts?

Is it a way to escape from reality or to ignore it entirely?

Torment, reality, a difference one can not see,

Waking up every night, screaming, shaking, sweating

Hating to love, when did the spiral start?

Happiness used to come easily to us,

Now I’m just grasping at straws.

Time is slipping by like sand within my hands,

Yet I can’t do anything but withstand.

Maybe holding on has become second nature

Standing on the edge is becoming harder.

Life has become tangled, no longer in order.

I tried, I really did

Loving used to be as easy as breathing,

I never knew that one day that affection,

False perfection,

Words of satisfaction,

For that same intimacy, would leave my neck wringing.

I write these words, knowing time will let them fade.

But those scars of infliction, written with inks of poison,

Will forever stay.

 
Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
This poem is part of a trilogy of poems. 2/3 of the poems have been completed so far, 'They Never Fade' is the first poem of the trilogy.
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Contest: 
July 2023 New Member Contest
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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neopoet

Sun, 2023-07-09 00:50

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem explores the theme of emotional turmoil and the struggle to find happiness and love. The use of rhetorical questions in the first stanza adds depth to the contemplation of crying as a response to thoughts and a means of escaping or ignoring reality. The repetition of the phrase "Happiness used to" in the fifth stanza emphasizes the contrast between past and present experiences. The imagery of time slipping away like sand in the hands and the feeling of being tangled and standing on the edge adds to the sense of despair and helplessness. The poem concludes with the acknowledgment that while the words may fade, the scars of emotional pain will always remain.

One suggestion for improvement would be to further develop the imagery and use more vivid and specific language to evoke emotions and create a stronger impact on the reader. Additionally, consider varying the sentence structure and rhythm to enhance the flow of the poem. This could involve experimenting with line breaks, punctuation, and enjambment to create a more dynamic and engaging reading experience.

Overall,

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