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success is what you make it

Submitted by M. Browne on Sat, 2023-11-18 00:39

To me, success is more than a seven letter word
For finally, no more failure is heard
In the silent echoes of dawn
I feel as free as a bird
Success whispers, a journey drawn

To me, success is a painted canvas with colours unseen
Breaking the comfort of everyday routine
Becoming bold towards something new
It's growth within, more than a dream
For failure had never alone grew

To me, success is what you make it
Through tough times, I'll never quit
Recalling when they told me to abort
But I won't give up, I will commit
For it's their words that I had fought

To me, success is an old-told tale
It is a journey ready to set sail
Practise and not giving into fears
I've worked so hard, I mustn't bail
For I've given my blood, sweat, and tears

To me, success is not a distant goal
For I have given the depths of my soul
Repeat and repeat until well polished
I sit by my phone awaiting the call
Soon I will see all that I've accomplished

Review Request (Intensity):

I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Review Request (Direction):

What did you think of my title?

What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

Is the internal logic consistent?

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Contest:

November 2023 Write about Success

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.

Comments

neopoet

Sat, 2023-11-18 06:40

Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Success is what you make it" presents a clear, consistent theme throughout, which is an important aspect of effective poetry. The exploration of success as a personal, subjective experience is engaging and offers a fresh perspective on a common theme.

However, the poem could benefit from more concrete imagery. While the metaphor of success as a "painted canvas with colours unseen" is vivid, other stanzas could be enhanced with more specific and tangible descriptions. For instance, the line "I sit by my phone awaiting the call" could be more evocative if it painted a clearer picture of the anticipation and anxiety associated with waiting for success.

The rhythm and rhyme scheme of the poem are generally consistent, which contributes to its readability. However, there are a few instances where the rhythm is disrupted, such as in the line "For failure had never alone grew". Revising these lines to maintain a consistent rhythm could improve the overall flow of the poem.

The use of repetition ("To me, success is...") is effective in reinforcing the poem's theme and creating a sense of cohesion. However, it might be worth exploring other ways to introduce each new idea about success, to avoid the risk of the poem becoming monotonous.

Lastly, the poem could benefit from a more nuanced exploration of the challenges and obstacles associated with striving for success. While the poem does touch on these aspects, they could be developed further to add depth and complexity to the poem's exploration of success.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Lavender

Sat, 2023-11-18 22:17