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Storms Aftermath Workshop poem: Imagery (Scribbler)

Submitted by Candlewitch on Tue, 2012-03-13 11:50

Scribbler's workshop:

Storm's Aftermath: auditory

the winds die down
to a whispering breeze
birds begin to chirp
and sing once again
squirrels chatter
back and forth
as children laugh
in tune with
the ice cream vendor's
cheerful chime
and the world sighs
with a contented relief

Review Request (Intensity):

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Review Request (Direction):

What did you think of my title?

How was my language use?

What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

How does this theme appeal to you?

How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Is the internal logic consistent?

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Comments

China Blue

Tue, 2012-03-13 12:20

Cat

You have captured the awakening from the surge of storms very aptly
Chrys

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

Candlewitch

Wed, 2012-03-21 11:42

Dear Chrys,

Thank you for reading and commenting on this assignment :) I found it a fun experiment.

always, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

Nordic cloud

Tue, 2012-03-13 14:15

This is definitely auditory,

This is definitely auditory, well done Cat.
My sister and I were playing in my great aunt's garden when
we heard an enormous boom-like explosion, this was repeated,
we immediately thought of the very large ice cream man,
with his motorbike and ice cream, and we roared with laughter
at the thought of him exploding!! We rolled down the sloping lawns
and couldn't stop. Each time we visited our aunt, at certain times of day,
this happened, so I can't read about the ice cream man
without smiling from ear to ear! And that was SOUND.

Still laughing after 67 years!!!!Nordic cloud.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

Candlewitch

Wed, 2012-03-21 11:45

Dear Ann,

I'm so glad I could send you back in time to a pleasant memory with this write! Thank you for the story :)

always, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

Debra Bryant

Tue, 2012-03-13 19:17

Good Imagery, Cat,

I like it very much
Deb

Candlewitch

Wed, 2012-03-21 11:46

Tahnk You Deb!

always, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

scribbler

Tue, 2012-03-13 21:51

Hi Cat

Very good. Other things could have been water related such as last drops of water dripping from a tree or the declining murmur of runn-off in a ditch. Go ahead and gather further comment then start deciding whether to do your rewrite in same or different type imagery...............stan PS hope your recovery is going well

Candlewitch

Wed, 2012-03-21 11:48

Hello Stan,

Thank you for your observations and for including me in your workshop!

always, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

Geezer

Wed, 2012-03-14 16:27

So well done...

that a blind man could see the scene through his ears! Well done!

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Candlewitch

Wed, 2012-03-21 11:50