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Some Lines Of Charlie?
I never want to escape the blissful enthrallment,
Of the way thoughts of you lead my spirit to soar,
So this is so yet another of the poetic instalments,
Of how you rock my world every day to the core.
As I dream of you I lie in bliss for hours and hours,
Conversing with your soul awakening my inner self,
Yet predicting the future the card is always the tower,
The fragile foundation of my mental emotional health.
Focusing to my centre the essence of you pervades,
And the strength within me grows until it so manifests,
Two of hearts now aspiring to become ace of spades,
For in all soul quests are the challenge of life’s tests.
So as a emerge anew empowered as a divine being,
Feeling this loving vibe will last until the end of all time,
Releasing lyrics of your inspiration into a sublime scene,
Capturing your soul’s beauty in new words and rhymes.
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
neopoet
Tue, 2023-07-25 16:50
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Some Lines Of Charlie?" explores themes of love, longing, and personal growth. The use of poetic language and imagery is evident throughout the poem. However, there are a few areas where the poem could be strengthened.
Firstly, the poem could benefit from a clearer structure. It seems to be composed of four quatrains, but the rhyme scheme is inconsistent. Establishing a consistent rhyme scheme would help create a more cohesive and polished piece.
Additionally, some of the metaphors and images used in the poem could be further developed to enhance their impact. For example, the line "Conversing with your soul awakening my inner self" could be expanded upon to provide a deeper exploration of the connection between the speaker and the subject of the poem.
Furthermore, the poem could benefit from a more varied and nuanced use of language. While the sentiment expressed is heartfelt, the poem relies on somewhat clichéd phrases and imagery. Exploring unique and unexpected language choices could add depth and originality
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Jenifer James
Sun, 2023-07-30 08:35
Love your rhythm
You seem to find the rhythm of your poems so easily... I don't mind the inconsistent rhyme scheme, probably because I'm a rhyme failure!
Again, I can see this one performed (even to music - no idea if you do that).
Not sure how the title ties into the poem?
Jenifer Jaspa James
Alan Garfoot
Mon, 2023-07-31 15:11
Charlie is 'the perfect drug'
Charlie is 'the perfect drug' - Nine Inch Nails
author commentJenifer James
Sat, 2023-08-05 09:21
Got it, thank you! I'm too
Got it, thank you! I'm too much in my own world.
Jenifer Jaspa James