Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
soldiers
From dreamy days of our lost, yearning youth
we strode, like lions, down the trail of truth.
But ‘neath the silent starlight’s million suns
we shivered at the savage sounding guns.
They proudly pounded, pelted, till we bled.
(slight soldiers, who for more than war were bred)
Together, lost, long light-years from our home,
we laughed and larked beneath a darkling dome.
Too tough or tired to turn to timid tears,
we fought, but we fought more our frenzied fears!
Our languid lines, with fingers froze, we wrote.
“Those sentences,” the Sarge said, “sugar-coat!”
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words:
Dedicated to my late grandfather: Norman 'Stormin' Bloor. In a war they called 'Great' he lost faith, friends and a limb. I'm so proud to have known him.
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
User login
Author information
Other recent work
Active Workshops & Contests
Contest
Workshop
- Splash Pool: How to use imagery in poetry..
- Wading Pool: Neopoet How To Video Resources
- Olympic Pool: Earn A Poem Workshop 2
- Olympic Pool: Earn A Poem Workshop 1
- Plunge Pool: Stream Workshop
Comments
Seren
Tue, 2023-02-21 12:06
Dear Blue
This is a wonderful dedication to your grandfather, my grandfather and great grandfather fought in WW1-2, I lost my great grandfather in WW1 I never knew him. other family members fought in Korea, Vietnam and I have family still serving.
I can see nothing to edit, and I can't pick favourite lines I think they're all amazing.
Bravo!
Kind Regards Seren/Jayne x
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
Blue-eyed Bolla
Tue, 2023-02-21 12:18
soldiers
Thank you, Seren, for your kind comments and feedback on my poor little rhymes. My grandfather was a stretcher bearer in the war. I remember him telling me all about his experiences in the war when I was a child. I only wish I'd have asked him more! Again, many thanks.
KBloor
author commentGeezer
Tue, 2023-02-21 13:02
In my days...
as both a N.A. and a taxi driver, I had come across many soldiers, that told their tales. One question I always asked, was.
"Was being in war like you thought it was going to be?" To a man, they answered NO! None of them expected to die or be injured, [they knew it was possible, but expected to be okay]. Most had never seen a dead body, [leastwise one killed in a violent manner] and they had never lost friends to enemy fire. They all thought that they would be welcomed home as heroes and that they were fighting for someone or something that was worth fighting for. Only some of them were convinced of that after they came home. Vietnam veterans were especially subject to a vitriolic homecoming and denunciations of "baby-killers."
Your poem brought home the views of many of those soldiers. This piece of yours is well written, with good, plain language, the pace moves right along, and I found the theme interesting. You may like a poem I wrote some time ago, about the Nepalese monks and their views on war. https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/poems/i-couldnt-help-myself-so-i-helped... ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Blue-eyed Bolla
Wed, 2023-02-22 08:47
Your poem
I checked out your poem and gave you some feedback.
KBloor
author commentBlue-eyed Bolla
Wed, 2023-02-22 08:48
soldiers
Many thanks, Kat. I appreciate your kind comments and feedback on my poor little rhymes.
KBloor
author commentCandlewitch
Wed, 2023-02-22 09:09
dear Blue,
I lost friends to Vietnam and one boyfriend. he went AWOL. I really like your poem, for it is full of information. my favorite lines are:
Too tough or tired to turn to timid tears,
we fought, but we fought more our frenzied fears!
Our languid lines, with fingers froze, we wrote.
“Those sentences,” the Sarge said, “sugar-coat!”
I'd be interested to read your thoughts on those who abandoned their country and fellow soldiers.
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Blue-eyed Bolla
Wed, 2023-02-22 11:28
soldiers
Many thanks, C. I was sorry to learn of the friends you lost in that war.('Nam) Being English and living in the UK I don't have the experience of what it was like for the soldiers coming home from that war. All I've heard is how they were abused and bad-mouthed by a lot of people who were against the war. Soldiering is such a thankless task though whatever the country you're from. Again, many thanks for your kind comments on my poor little rhymes.
KBloor
author comment