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Sick of Turkey

Submitted by Rula on Tue, 2022-11-01 23:39

There once was a man named Perkey,
He spent his life eating just turkey.
he got his sharpened knife,
and slaughtered his careless wife.
Now, he's sick of eating jerky.

Style / type:

Structured: Western

Review Request (Intensity):

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Review Request (Direction):

What did you think of my title?

How was my language use?

What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Is the internal logic consistent?

Last few words:

Not that I expect to win the contest but thought that the title is perfect for writing a Limerick.

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Contest:

November 2022 Random Challenge Sick Of Turkey

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

Comments

Lavender

Wed, 2022-11-02 09:43

Sick of Turkey

Hi, Rula,
Yes, it's the perfect topic for a limerick, and yours is spot-on! You might want to tighten it up a bit, if I may, for example:
There once was a man named Perkey
Spent his life eating just turkey

along with eliminating a few words and tightening up in the other lines, as well. Also, does "poorish" fit the description of his wife? Seems there is a bit more to her - maybe she's stubborn, or lacking culinary skills, or simply doesn't care?

An enjoyable limerick, and being vegan, I'm sure many turkeys thank you for this one!
L

Rula

Wed, 2022-11-02 10:10

Thank you

dear lavender for the comment and for helping with this one. I'll edit as suggested. Limericks were never easy and a bit challenging on both levels, meter and sense of humor.
Always great to get the help from the masters. Really appreciate it.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Please follow me on Instagram
https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

author comment

Rula

Wed, 2022-11-02 12:54

Any better?

would be happy to know if this gave anyone a chuckle or even a smile

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Please follow me on Instagram
https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

author comment

Lavender

Wed, 2022-11-02 16:13

Reading this again,

yes! Much better! It gave me a big smile first, and then a hearty chuckle. Delightful limerick, perfect for the topic of turkey-lurkeys. (And unhappy husbands...)
Thank you!
L

Rula

Wed, 2022-11-02 16:46