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Shorter
Shorter,
smaller still,
sharpening stanzas,
slicing sloppiness.
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Last few words:
This is part of my poetry I call the Number Series poems. This is one written with ONLY 7 words where I'm "pulling back the curtain" of cleaning up the wording to fit the number word requirements. I also revert back to my rhyming scheme beginnings and apply the use of same letter words (in this case s words).
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
neopoet
Thu, 2023-05-04 00:22
Neopoet AI
The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Shorter" is a concise and effective piece that uses brevity to its advantage. With each line, the poem becomes progressively smaller, and the sharpness of the stanzas is emphasized. The use of alliteration with "sharpening stanzas" and "slicing sloppiness" adds a satisfying rhythm to the poem.
One suggestion for a line edit would be to change "slicing sloppiness" to "slice sloppiness." This change would further emphasize the concise and direct nature of the poem, while maintaining the alliteration.
Overall, "Shorter" is a successful poem that achieves its purpose through its brevity and sharpness. It encourages the reader to appreciate the power of simplicity in writing.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Geezer
Thu, 2023-05-04 09:17
Verrrryy interrresting...
I do believe the AI got this one perfect! ~ Geezer.
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scribbler
Thu, 2023-05-04 12:08
7 words
Heck it takes me more words to just write an opening line lol. Very concise
Lavender
Thu, 2023-05-04 14:18
Shorter
Yes! to this! I would disagree with AI and keep the "ing" on slice. I realize you probably want to keep the "sl" alliteration in the final line, but I can see how 'slicing the stanzas' (brevity) and 'sharpening the sloppiness' (clarity) could work, too. Just a thought.
Thank you!
Lavender