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Shadow on the Wall
She sits, gazing at the void
listening to the shrieking sound
of nothingness.
Watching the dark, waiting for dawn
feeling snapped at
by the wolves of darkness.
Surrounded by his spirit's shadow
she grows chained to earth
by life's shackles.
Earth planted with bones and skulls.
Her heart's interred in pits of grief
greedy like a hungry dove.
She sees his spirit quivering
from behind the veil, her love.
Once a strong female tower
before the tempest of time
she now grows tired
of her own grim mime
usurping her primal powers.
Yet slowly she feels the movement
of hidden hands lifting the veil
and emptiness disappearing
like a shadow on a well
at the high noon hour passing.
Gathering her primal powers
she rises
unchained, replenished,
she rises.
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
I lost my husband of 42 years in 2017 after a long decade of suffering. I have quite a few poems on grief and death and loss. I don't mean to be morose because I am past that, but I do believe I captured the essence of the sense of loss that comes with death. I have been writing poetry a long while but have had no formal training.
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
RoseBlack
Mon, 2022-08-08 19:00
Welcome to Neopoet
You certainly accomplished your goal of capturing the essence of loss, grief and death. Your use of imagery and language was well done and flowed nicely throughout the poem. Great job! I look forward to more of your works.
:)
~RoseBlack~
Bmoxie
Mon, 2022-08-08 21:07
Just saying Hello
I am just easing into this so forgive me, but it may take me some time to venture deeply into this site Thanks for the invite and I will give it some thought.
I am relieved that the poem speaks to others so thank you for the kind words.
author commentGeezer
Mon, 2022-08-08 17:20
I have had...
no formal training either. Like a lot of the poets here, who have developed style and depth from watching and listening to the poets here on Neopoet, I was very amateurish when I first joined the site around 14-15 years ago. I had some exposure to the masters when I was in community college and high school, but never dreamt of the depth and scope of real poetry. I think that it is healthy to want and get the sadness and emotional stuff out; but once you do, you will find other things to write about.
Be that as it may, we will try to help you with your writing skills and learning to get your emotions down [I hesitate to say on paper,] but that is the term that is most apt. You are never obligated to use any advice that is given, but free to do so, without
pause. We offer a wide variety of contests and even a place to use your imagination to write for suggested subjects by title.
Random Challenges. [No prizes for those], but a certificate suitable for framing or posting on your wall to impress your friends! There are some poets here that have formal training and are willing to help poets with problems that they encounter. Glad to meet you, make some friends and have some fun! ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Bmoxie
Mon, 2022-08-08 21:08
Just saying Hello
Thanks for the welcome!
author commentRosewood Apothecary
Mon, 2022-08-08 18:55
Welcome
Ok great title. Great language. Good logic. All around a good write. I also have no formal training (beyond high school, but I was already writing poetry then and had a decent 11th grade teacher who pushed me gently).
I can’t really see anything there that’s cumbersome to read. I really can’t make suggestions on this one but I’m pretty helpful if I spot something.
I’m sorry to hear of the loss of your husband and I do feel you captured the essence of grief with this poem.
Welcome to the site,
Tim
Bmoxie
Mon, 2022-08-08 21:02
Just saying Hello
Thanks Tim for your response. Not many folks have read my poems, so this is going to be a new path for this old sand crab/hermit!
There are many more but each different. I have quite a few poems and have just begun attempting to enter contests and submit. It is a bit daunting as I have little experience with ejournals and such.
Again, thanks!
Brenda
author commentGeezer
Tue, 2022-08-09 00:00
This is...
not difficult, as you have seen. Just do what you have done this time. ~ Geezer.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.