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Self Murder
I see you trying to lure me to you.
I see you occupying my space whenever I’m alone.
I see you jump into my head when I put it on the pillow.
I feel your presence in the room when I can’t sleep at night.
I see you promising me nothing but peace and silence.
You made me think that you were my safe haven.
You gave me a test, I took it and I failed.
You gave me another one, I took it and failed.
I see you trying to show me what a great angel I could be.
Too bad I got no strength.
Too bad I’m afraid, I’m scared.
Too bad that I’m smart.
I’m smart that I can see past you.
I can see past you that I got my whole life ahead of me.
I can see past you that I am here on purpose.
I can see past you that I got a bright future,
And I gotta be here when it shines.
I can see past you that greatness is to come my way,
And I gotta be here for it.
I can see past you that I am going to change the world.
I can see past you because I got the biggest dreams.
I mean, I got only two decades on earth
What do I know about life?
Let me experience it, let me live it.
Even when it’s beating me up, let me live.
I am sorry my friend, I’m afraid of death.
So, leave me alone.
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Comments
neopoet
Sun, 2024-04-28 11:10
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
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zuella
Sun, 2024-04-28 08:23
This is an excellent piece. I
This is an excellent piece. I love the way it draws out emotion, I read it with a very fast pace and then the last line slowed, did you intend it to be read like this or a different way? The last three lines really put into perspective this feeling of, like, longing for something that’s not good for you, after all, we accept the love we think we deserve, which is utterly rich coming from me, but you get the point. I didn’t really like the title much, I feel you could go deeper with it, as the poem is so deep, or go very very light, something like “harm” or “self immolation” or something that you might just glance at and then double take, look back and think about a little harder and be like “oh wow this is deeper than it shows” you know what I mean? I love the freelance rhyme scheme, it adds to the confusion and fast past toxicity that you can’t control. This is a very deep piece and the emotion it’s yanking from me is the emotion I try to convey in my own poems, you’ve achieved it wonderfully and you shoudl be very proud, I love this.
-Zuella
The normal fear the poets and the poets fear the normal.
Thank you for your time!
-Zuella