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See Her Sunshine Smile...

When she smiles, so does the sun
I love to see it on her face
I feel the warmth within my heart
So full, there is no space

Tears of joy, spring to my eyes
I hug her gently now
Her body worn and hurting
Yet she smiles again somehow

She's had more grief than many
But, she will not complain
She's worked so hard all her life
Yet smiles are her refrain

So Mother, smile for me
Make my poor heart glad
Put the sun upon your face
The best Mother, anyone's ever had

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

I liked your title and found it a refreshing promise of the poem to follow. such wholesome and lasting love shines though! the poem flows well, an feels like it was a stream of love coming out of your pen onto the paper! you have had something that many only wish they had...I'm jealous!

p.s.
a side of you which we rarely see...and on "Mother's Day" too. just beautiful!

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

is ninety-four. She is infirm and I fear that she will not make her ninety-fifth. She is living with my sister and is well-taken care of, but everyone can see that she is very tired of hurting and won't be sad at leaving this mortal coil. Thank you for your beautiful response and the obvious jealousy. I'm sorry that you [and others] haven't had the pleasure of having the wonderful presence of someone like my Mother. I have tried hard in my East Main St. series, to show the warm and loving person that she is. She is the one who made me understand how vital it is for us to love each other. So from my mother to you and all Mother's out there. Happy Mother's Day! ~ Geez.
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It seems that the days and hours that people
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author comment

'''when the sun does shine
then she smiles,'''

may be considered
Gee I know you will then say
IDIOT
once you read my that poem
lol
all d best

brings the sun. Hence, ["When she smiles, the sun does shine"] Thank you for your read and comment. ~ Geez.
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It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

author comment

I knew
did you read my poem
MOMS SMILES
didn't you
then pl do
moms are invaluable
it's true

There is no woman like a good mother in this whole wind world for she goes miles just to make sure that her child/children live well thanks for dropping this piece.

for your read and comments. ~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

author comment

this is a very pretty poem. i think the rhythm could be improved. first L1 i would say and so does the sun to avoid inversion. these are how i think rhythm could be better:
the warmth within my heart
she's had more grief
she's worked so hard for all her life or she's worked so hard all through her life
i don't think you need the commas

with an inversion? The classic poets did it all the time. ~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

author comment

this is my opinion on inversion. Shakespeare is dead. we don't much use archaic language like thee and thou anymore just because they did it back then. i would take the time to not use inversion. i don't see it being used in the work of people who are well known now or famous. i would lose a line before i would do this. if i ever miss and do it let me know. it is not the way we talk anymore.

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