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Saving Lies...

Bigger than you wanted
The lies you told take life
You ever will be haunted
Threatened by their knife

Slashed by the keen edge of fact
Your ego takes hurtful blows
Everyone knows it's an act
Yes, everyone surely knows

I can forgive a simple mistake
Tell me the truth and I shall cry
But lies, I just can't ever take
Don't let our romance die

Tell me how much you love me
Why do you always lie and lie?
The truth will set you free
Honesty just won't die

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

I was intrigued by a lie told for no reason, and felt compelled to call it out, rather than just let it slide. I can understand a lie for a reason, [not condone it] but for no reason at all? [At least none that I can discern]. Thanks for the read and comment. ~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

author comment

Enjoyed the theme, the simple rhyming scheme & delivery.

Wanted /haunted was the only rhyme I tripped up on but exact rhymes aren't important but you did exact rhymes throughout so I guess that one rhyme just stuck out.

Problem is I don't have a better rhyme unless you re-write the line. Possibly something along the lines of:

"your own truth left unsaid" That's not perfect but it helps show you where I was trying to go with that line.

All, said, I enjoyed the piece,

regards

One

.
"with all that I am & all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me"

that with a British accent, it may not read as close as mine, but it certainly should sound so similar, as to be unnoticed.
[saying it aloud, I cannot hear the difference]. Thanks for the read and suggestion. ~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

author comment

seems like she was a bad girl...I bet Killer could straighten her out! nice work.

ever, eddy

*hugs, Cat

p.s.
I like the title
pacing is good

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

I think that she has been a very bad girl! I think that Killer may make her a present of some kind, maybe something along the lines of a Mafia-style [head in the bed]. Kind of messy, but satisfying. Thanks for the read and the comments. ~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

author comment

keep 'em coming!

ever, eddy

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

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