Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

SATURATION

Within the apothecary
of my treasured past memories
each rubber stoppered bottle
contains at least a trace
of you

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
I know seeing me do a free verse is a minor shock but me doing something Brief is likely even worse lol
Editing stage: 

Comments

It could be only me as I didn't do much reading for a while. I think this needs to be extended a bit more to grab the meaning intended though the message is there. It is still nice to read a free verse piece from your pen.
Liked specially the title.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

I appreciate your thoughts and ideas. The problem is where would I stop the expansion. You know I have a tendency to ramble and I was trying, for once, to pack as much into a few lines as I could(as is stated in AN). But you also know I seldom leave any of my stuff well enough alone lol. so when I Do come back to this with fresh eyes I'll keep your ideas in mind..........stan

author comment

(I'm arrogant I know, but that is my highest compliment)

This is what poetry should be, compression of meaning with emotion without sentimentality. Lovely.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Thank you. I'm pleased you endorse this minor foray into free verse and brevity. I kinda sisagree about poetry should be without sentimentality though. A bit of this here and there can emphasise emotive content if not overdone I think. Appreciate your dropping by.............stan

author comment

'sentimentality'. I take it to mean forced or slightly phoney emotion.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

I prefer the more sentimental definition lol.....................stan

author comment

what is the rubber stopped bottle? A condom? So your memory is an apothecary, a storage of jars kept in bottles and each memory has something of "you" ?. A fragment plus a trace. Sorry you need to expand and clarify this because it's just not working on closer examination.
Jimm

I figured the use of the word apothecary would hint at the old fashioned pharmacy being used as a metaphor. And of course the old fashioned ones had each medicine stored in a rubber stoppered bottle. And of course the battle is a metaphor for the compartments of memory. The fact that I had to explain this means one of 2 things. Either you didn't put much thought into reading this or I have done a poor job of conveyence. I reckon I'll assume the latter. As to expansion, in the author notes I stated that I was venturing int brevity(a rare thing for me as most of my stuff is far from brief lol). So where does one stop when attempting brevity? One more line?2?..4?.

But all serious civil critique is welcome and when I eventually revisit this with "fresh"eyes I'll keep your and Rula's suggestions for expansion in mind. Appreciate your dropping by..............stan

author comment

Sorry Stan but Apothecaries didn't have rubber stopped bottles as a usual accessory , they were glass or jars .It was the old word "rubber" that got me thinking of chemists and condoms. The word itself doesn't make a simile or metaphor , the writer has to place it within context so saying my memory like apothecary dispenses etc here you have used the word as a noun. Also past and memories by definition overlay themselves so your poem of "brevity" fails in that respect too. Basically your poem is unclear as to its intentions from the get go, its confusing, muddled and overwritten.
Jimm

Imagine a predominantly rhyming poet failing at brief free verse lol. Oh well maybe my next attempt will be better........stan

author comment

scent was a large movement and the lasting
preserving for future
lives of gods...
etc......

some of the most expensive perfumes of the time
were very potent powerful
written in scripts and lost in battles time
destroyed by those wanting to posess the secrets

in explorations of early times
everything was catalogued and preserved
alcohol and other
perfumes extracts medicines because of
the chemical behaviour and oxidation to sunlight
and air were in precious little blue green bottles
to combat the ultra violet effects and affects

senses...

russia for a time collected scents in a bottle
essences to a degree
for all the supression existing there the study
of recall and tracking was a very esoteric art
and bound to a degree to scientific study
its nothing new

but still fascinating and powerful

i greatly like this poem

thank you..

I know you don't often say anything you don't mean so your liking this is a great compliment........stan

author comment

This may be short but it says so much, as for free verse it works lol
I like the comparison that you have made

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

Maybe I should redo this and post this poem in free verse, rhyme and Japanese forms like I've done a few others in the past lol. Then Everybody could have it their way lmao. As I've said many times, I think writing in many forms helps one become better in their preferred form. I'm pleased you like my foray into free form and brevity.....stan

author comment

How long have you been "writing", then Stan?
Jimm

I wrote a single poem to the high school girl who became my wife about 43 years ago. Then I wrote my next one approx. 4 years ago and posted it here. So I'm fairly new at this compared to many who are here. The poem I wrote to my wife is "My Love" (how's that for an original title lol) and the first one I posted here is Homeplace........stan

author comment

I haven't been able to log in here for a pretty long time. Good to read this write which uncorks your bottled up thoughts with a fizz...

raj (sublime_ocean)

Long time ,no see lol. Glad to see you back online. Appreciate your visit...........stan

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.