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A rewrite of Geezer's poem (imagery Workshop 2)

Like a newly coined cent
sun rises in the yellowish sky
I know why, the Japanese have lent
Godhead to the angry eye

It sizzles, burns the dulling brain
to a spot
In the sleeping forest it rains
on the islands of the Nippon

Glorious warmth now is born
spreads a shy timid-light
night now has fled
leaves damp tracks on the lawn

The taste of green is folded
wrapped in scented leaves
Steamed in the light of teacup
while shadows are fearful thieves

the elder trees and grass
share in the newly born light
Crane and dragon shadows pass
Silhouettes are as black as night

Berry blossoms bloom
in the land of the rising sun
Night gives daylight room
and now the dream is done

Editing stage: 

Comments

for someone not used to doing rhyme. You kept the tone of the work and did well with your own descriptive words. ~Geezer.
.

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It wasn't an easy job I have to admit , but was a new intersting experience.
Thank you.
BTW was it your writing Gee?

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Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

it is mine. It think that it may have been part of another workshop, if I remember right.
~ Geezer.
.

Please acknowledge critique and comments.
They are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

Its hard to take half a poem and add imagery when you are not in the head of the poet.

I think having the original made it a bit possible to be done though yeh it wasn't so easy to do it.
Thank you for your kind visit

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

This was a difficult poem to grasp to begin with so trying to add back deleted imagery was not an easy thing to do. But you did well.

Say it's been a good exercise too boss.
Thanks for the time and the kind visit.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment
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