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resigned (Sonnet WS)

your light’s no longer part of Earthly play
since many years, you woke beyond the cloak
my inmost centre misses every day
a smile from you, a hug, a wink, a joke

if only life could be reversed in time
I’d somehow, someway, journey back to then
to where, my son, your cosmos merged with mine
your smile, your voice and touch enjoy again

but cheating seconds, minutes, even hours
a parting yet once more would be our fate
the pain to bear anew... the moment sours
at thought of that, it does my hunger sate

before you dream and hanker, take a pause
the granted wish contains a hidden clause

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

mostly aussies
and i know you are the best
I gave up coz I did not know
when and where to stress
X// or x//

for your very kind comment
Love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

are awaiting judy!

still some imperfect rhymes.... (then - again) I think we agree on this one

first line ....(half a foot too many)

desir, if two syllable it messes the line
my HEARTS | deSIRE| MISSes |EVERy |DAY

I especially loved the message in the volta.
Thanks for sharing another beautiful write.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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I didn't notice the then / again, as I tend to pronounce 'again' as 'agen'... I will have to look at that

As for 'desire', I feel it is three syllables, in that the ending is drawn out
my HEARTS | de -SIR | - a MISS | --es EV | -'ry DAY
I don't think I could sing the word with only two notes...

anyway, I will keep it in mind and, hopefully someone else may give their opinion

Love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

It's same as "enquire" and "aspire" isn't it? :)

sir Wesley approved "again" , "then"

and

"ear" , "endear" :)

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
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Now you have brought this to my attention ...
I can say 'enquire' and 'aspire' with two notes, at the end of a sentence... 'desire' too..... now that I think of it.. so perhaps it depends where the word is placed?...? The fact that they are drawn out words .. an extra note is perhaps needed when it is before another word, but simply made longer at the end of a sentence?

Hopefully Wesley will give us his opinion

It's nice to know, then, that I don't have to change then / again --- where did he approve it? I didn't see....

Happy for you too, that he approved ear / endear ( I liked the word-usage)...I presume he took the word ( presumably single syllable) before 'ear' to allow for the extra syllable?

(Lol - is our Wesley getting soft, do you think?)
Thanks Rula

love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

He just answered the question on my other sonnet
the diphthong apparently doesn't count as a whole syllable...
so I'm good for the Autumn one, but may have to look at this again...
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

As I kept reading on I kept realizing from where it all came from just like one remembers the spring while drinking from its stream...abounding in unconditional love...

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

For the very lovely comment
Love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

easily can say those words as two syllables, but I like checking the dictionary as a double check.

As for approving "ear" and "endear" I think sir Wesley's explanation is reasonable. Please find it under my sonnet "Words Of A Nightingale"
and I don't think of him but a Very firm man, especially when it is related to language :)

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
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And damn - I just noticed your comment re the length of the first verse

lol that's because of the aussie tongue I think - pronouncing it quickly, missing the middle syllable...
Oh well - definitely back to the drawing board...
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

It solves something, but in a wholly unsatisfying way which I believe is the point of the poem.

We just nearly lost a fourteen old French Bulldog. For three days we were grieving knowing she was gone. Then somehow... but now I look at her and see a fourteen year old dog. I will be living those feelings again and soon. She won't live forever. To feel it again, as in your piece, is somehow worse.
A very powerful Elizabethan.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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I LOVE it too, I mean the volta.
Again, very touching and always hits home in a way I am afraid.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

Sorry about your dog... it is really sad when they get old and we know we'll soon have to say goodbye to our pets
I've stopped having them, as I've had enough of losing them

love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

I don't know how other than God's intervention, but it's like nothing happened. We have decided it was a brown recluse and she has an ugly scar under the neck, but otherwise she's just the old dog I've always known.
Just needed to share.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

lol -repeated comment.... I will have to be more patient
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

I always think of them as "tempo a rabba" or "roboto" meaning robbed of tempo. We rob tempo from one beat and add it to the next. It is a musical concept, but it's how I see the use of long vowels; vowels that actually take more time to say than a short vowel.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

this is a very heartfelt piece. Thanks for sharing.

Alid

for the kind comment
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment
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