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Relationships

Relationships can be tricky,

One day you're fine,

Next you're begging them to stay,

As you sit staring at the ceiling in the darkness,

Wondering what went wrong,

You think up every possible scenario,

But none seem right,

That's the thing about relationships,

Sometimes when they come to an end,

That reason never shows,

Which keeps you up,

Keeps you thinking,

Trying to find your reason.

~m.p

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

A very warm welcome to neopoet,
I think your beginning is a bit abrupt, in the sence that the reader needs to feel like you are talking to them, do you see what I mean? For exams if you started like this, ( Love ah it's a tricky thing) or (relationships can be tricky)
I think when we talk about love lost and the pain we can do it in a way that we are sharing rather than telling. I love the subject heartbreak is something we all relate too, whether it's death love a pet a friend. I hope I have helped a bit today.

Thank you...Teddy

Thank you so much for your comment i think you're completely right.

author comment

That's so much more enjoyable now. A pleasure to read, and it works beautifully, in my humble opinion. Like I said the theme is a great one. Now I feel the authors words.

Thank you...Teddy

I think all you need to do with this is change the title to My Relationships.
Welcome to Neopoet.
Mark

Please comment anywhere anytime.

Hi m.p., I think the first line is unnecessary. The rest of your poem is sort of uneven, needs a little tweaking, here and there. For one, you could remove some "the's".
The theme is one I think we can all relate to. Perhaps it would sound better if it were less "telly", more like sharing with your readers.
Welcome to Neopoet and do bring on more, you'll have plenty of good advice in a nice way from this family of poets.
All the best, Gracy

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"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

I would like to thank you. You have helped my poem become better than before.

author comment

If "relationships" don't work, forget it. It's the others who are probably to blame. Be promiscuous! It's more fun and no hassles. No need to get depressed.

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