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power of the mind

the power of the mind is so fragile
it can be broken so easily

the power of the mind is so mysterious
The curiousity from others want to get inside

the power of the mind is so distinctive
no mind is the same

the power of the mind is so profound
one only knows of ones' thinking

the power of the mind will lay wickedly underground
as gthe power of the mind
deteriates into non existent form

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

Welcome to Neo Poet !!!!******
This can be a great place to interact with others in a meaningful way, make friends and really get a chance to see what others think and feel about your work. Certainly we don't all agree with each other, so your likely to get divergent views on your offerings
I think its fair for a writer to pushback too if they disagree with what may be said at the same time giving another a review is sticking your neck out too ie we are all in this together

as gthe power of the mind ...this may be a typo ...I think you mean "the"

I feel your insight into the workings of the mind while an interesting commentary seems a bit awkward.
Repetition can be a powerful device but it leaves something to be desired here and I think its connected to the descriptions you use. I guess I want you to tell me something about the mind that is more informative and in a way that waxes more poetically

"the power of the mind is so mysterious
The curiousity from others want to get inside"..... curiousity is misspelled ….. curiosity

but back to your language
If you tell me the power of the mind is mysterious it is a simple statement of fact as in neuro science 101 I think the challenge is to make me feel its mystery instead of just telling me it is so as in for example a metaphor perhaps of the subconscious.

ie ….
the mind is mysterious like
"grass covers the dream of a serpent"

Poems need a surprise in them. Something to make the reader really take notice
as in an unusual insight or more seductive or possibly even shock language

I always say if you see how you feel when you read a review and you see the goodness of it that helps one grow. If you feel misunderstood tell the person writing to you. open up the conversation, and if you feel like you got nothing from them than nothing is lost as long as you remember we are all learning and here to help

Best Z

he knows his shit.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

Here I am going out on a limb, Yesterday is the fruit of the vine able to eat its delicacy. We can learn from new found discovery's some have nicked the bare near surface. We have to believe in something ought of the fresh beat Autumn plagued duration..,My goal in 2019 is to look at all people through the eyes of Christ, as everyone is made in the image of the Creator...To my eschatological friends and students of end time prophecy. If you were living in the age of anti-Christ, would you be able to detect this wolf in sheep's clothing

Mario Vitale

.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

Zebra left you an excellent critique ...
thanks for posting.

I enjoyed the subject and your well descriptive tales of many minds in this weary world.

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