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planetary alignment

at some point, we are all fools in love.
we all have our first heartbreak
and know the sorrows and torment from the lack of reciprocation.
but watching your former love, fall for another,
is different
mars was my first love,
and i would not rid of myself of his burgundy radiance for years.
then i found his moon and fell for him.
his push and pull was crushing, yet solace in a universe of ache.
but the moon was pulled from my orbit.
the absence of his pale light left my early mornings in the dark
and no one to give the sunshine the time of day.

dimming

mars began to orbit mercury; she became his center.
i hoped at one time that my beams would find mars’ dark eyes
he follows her like a lost puppy but comes to me in the night for guidance.
i offer it still, for we are both compromised.
this was never the plan
for i am the sun and these are my planets

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Last few words: 
Perspective. We are all the center of our own universe. We will never tread the same path as those we know. Existence is unique. This is just one sun.
Editing stage: 

Comments

your point about us being the center of our own universe. If this is a work about still being attached to someone, and having an illicit relationship because it is convenient for the two of you; I know that situation. It rings true. A pretty fair job of getting it across. Oh, I think you'll want to use the word [some] as opposed to [one] in the first line. ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

thank you for the constructive criticism. i really appreciate it. it is about still being attached to someone, but not in the way that you once were.

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