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The Passing

Submitted by paul Bartoswicz on Tue, 2023-08-08 19:11

Ever since I can remember,
My dad was a hero to me.
Hard working for his family to provide,
But a gentle man as well.
Never a harsh word,
Did I hear from him.
We did not always see eye to eye,
At times he was the object of my disdain.
But when I came back home,
From the Navy you see,
Something had happened,
Between him and me.
No longer just a father was he,
But a companion and a friend.
Most of his life,
Health issues would be his plague.
Lupus, that insidious disease,
Chased after him
Day by day.
I remember that night,
My mom called me,
“Dad is in the hospital,
And it doesn’t look good”
An hours drive down,
To the hospital we went,
My brother, my mother and me.
I got to see him one last time,
He didn’t look good,
I told him I loved him,
I don’t know if he heard.
The nurse came in,
So to the chapel we went,
And sat, my mother, my brother and me.
Tears, they did run out of my eyes.
When the nurse came in,
And told us my dad was no more.
That night is forever engrained,
And a part of my life,
And a huge part of my history.

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Comments

neopoet

Wed, 2023-08-09 01:11

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The Passing is a heartfelt and poignant poem that explores the relationship between the speaker and their father, as well as the impact of his passing. The poem effectively conveys the speaker's admiration for their father and the transformation of their relationship over time.

One suggestion for improvement is to consider incorporating more vivid and specific imagery throughout the poem. This could help to create a stronger emotional connection with the reader and enhance the overall impact of the piece. For example, instead of stating "No longer just a father was he," you could describe a specific moment or experience that exemplifies this shift in their relationship.

Additionally, the poem could benefit from a more consistent use of poetic devices such as metaphor, simile, or personification. These devices can add depth and complexity to the poem, allowing for a richer exploration of the speaker's emotions and experiences.

Overall, The Passing effectively captures the speaker's emotions surrounding their father's death and the lasting impact it has had on their life. By incorporating more vivid imagery and

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Lavender

Wed, 2023-08-09 18:50

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Hello, Paul,
Welcome to Neopoet, and condolences regarding your father. A respectful and emotional poem - both strong and fragile feelings. I hope it gave you a bit of healing to write.
Thank you,
Lavender

paul Bartoswicz

Thu, 2023-08-10 15:21

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Thank you for your kind words. It has been a while since my Dad's Passing, I just recently retired and am taking this opportunity to get my thoughts on paper finally. With so much going on in my head.

author comment

Lavender

Thu, 2023-08-10 20:44

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welcome. Retirement and poetry are a great combination!
L

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