Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

PASS ANOTHER LAW

They sit up in their marble hall
disconnected from reality
where they vote debate and all
as if their laws apply to me

I don't own a single liscenced gun
yet I own many more than most
with which to have illegal fun
Let them legislate and boast

The more that those fools legislate
the more they disarm honest men
for I'll get My guns at any rate
without paper work or pen

And how I love those "gun free" places
where innocents stay unprotected
with looks of shock upon their faces
when schools, for slaughter, are selected

don't you know rules aren't for me?
so go on pass more stupid laws
they're ineffective, wait and see
except for criminals' guffaws

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 

Comments

the theme, the title is good, and the pattern was good. Your rhyming was great, but as per usual, the rhythm suffers. Just my personal opinion of course, but ... Anyways, a little bit of work and you got a real good piece here. ~ Gee

The addition of a premium-membership can:
Help you navigate the site easier, change and create the look of your profile-page!
Just see what you can do! Add a bit of flavor to your profile and kick it up a notch!

I guess the rant got in the way of the rhythm lol. I'll see if I can smooth it out over the next few days............stan

author comment

Nothing like a good rant. I'm an expert at ranting.

Jenifer

Yeah, it's good to let off a bit of steam once in a while lol...............stan

author comment

But what is your solution to preventing gun crime?
It isn't as bad in Britian so the gun laws have worked here
Although I was assaulted in March 2012 and wished I'd had a gun then
F

One solution is to make being convicted of a crime in which a gun is used carry a long enough sentence that it's almost unthinkable to do so. But this won't take care of the nut cases. Did you know that present background checks also are supposed to take mental stability into account? We have so many gun laws now that we are unable to enforce the ones we have. Also, over the past 20 years the use of guns in crimes has actually Decreased . Now this doesn't make the recent mass killings any more palatable. And these killings were all carried out by people who were mentally disturbed. The real challenge then is not controlling guns, it's controlling disturbed people. One would do well to recall that the gratest mass school killing occured decades ago and like Timothy McVeigh, the cause of death was explosives, not guns.

I have tried to put myself in the mind of these disturbed people and come up with a motive. The only thing I can come up with is they seek fame. They watch the news and say"Boy, that guy killed a bunch of people and nobody is ignoring him NOW". So maybe a start is to forbid the newscasters from identifying any mass killer and not flash their picture on the screen 3-4 times per day. Call him/her "the assailant" and just give a brief verbal description of the killer. When fame is no longer attainable via mass murder maybe these nuts will have one less reason to kill...................stan

author comment

Tried to picture a criminal type reading this,
and it worked except for the last word, guffaw,
for me anyway, other than that it is good and
makes an excellent point. I can see the bad guys
sitting around watching the news hoping for the
next round of gun laws to take affect.

I believe in the right to bear arms, I think that one
day we might need them to defend ourselves against
our own government.

Couldn't help but read your response to Frenchf,
I've thought the same thing, that these people want
to make a name for themselves, go out famous for
their fifteen minutes, your solution is sound.

thanks for sharing

Richard

I would much prefer a few restrictions on the press and the detail in which it reports these type events than further repression of honest people's right to bear arms. The idea that the constitution guaranteeing the right to bear arms only referring to hunting is ludicrous. For the very reason you stated. It even points out specifically that the right is in there in case the government becomes too powerful and interfering in the common men's lives.

Now to guffaw.........a word I used to carry rhyme through as well as to convey uncontrolled laughter of criminals and mad men as the look at even existing laws being applied to them. But I'll give it some thought and see if I can Come up with something better. appreciate the visit as always...................stan

author comment

I really like your solution. It is sensible and yes how do you identify who is mad?

Common sense and politics don't mix. The proof is clear in who we elected president lol. As far as determining who is stable enough to buy a gun, we could start by identifying those who need prescription behavior altering drugs in order to function. If a person fell into this category they would have to produce compelling evidence on a periodic basis that they would be a good risk. Of course there's also a law in place now banning convicted felons from purchasing fire arms. I would expand it to also ban pedofiles and anybody who has ever been convicted of any type violent crime more than once.

And anybody purchasing a weapon should be required to have proof of being in this country legally. Just a few ideas off the top of my hollow head lol..............stan

author comment

no easy solutions to the problem of gun-violence. People who have mental problems, are sometimes very adept at hiding them until it is too late and they do something horrible.

1] I believe that capital-punishment should not be left up to the state-government. It should be mandatory in every case of murder. [ No insanity pleas ]
2] Only one appeal and then a swift carry-out of the sentence.
3] People who commit crimes with guns, should be sentenced to hard labor for ten years. [ No parole ]
4] Make our prisons a place that no one wants to go. [ No commissary, visits, smoking, having fun of any kind!
Up at dawn, work all day, and then to bed at dark.

~ Geezer

The addition of a premium-membership can:
Help you navigate the site easier, change and create the look of your profile-page!
Just see what you can do! Add a bit of flavor to your profile and kick it up a notch!

This being a national problem I think that at least part of the solution will be action taken on a national scale. I agree that insanity is no excuse for murder. After all, the victim is dead whether perpetrator is sane or not and the perp deserves the same punishment whether sane or insane, I think justice delayed is justice denied but I also think there should be a minimum time (maybe 2 years?) between original conviction and the end of second appeal in orger to prevent appearance of kangaroo court justice. Would also give plenty of time for all evidence which is pertinent to be discovered.

As to prisons, I agree they should be strong deterrents for ALL types crime. You know, Bernie Madoff's swindle resulted in at least one person committing suicide. Hence all criminals of legal age should be punished in the same type prison.......................stan

author comment

Prisons should be hardship not a nice time for all

And definately not places where criminals become stronger by lifting weights and smarter by being taught the ropes by other crooks.............stan

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.