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Pandora’s Closet

Submitted by Gloria Emerson on Thu, 2023-10-26 20:05

Afore warning, I must insist for turning over a new leaf,
Cause past transgressions come slowly, seeping, creeping,

from underneath the door, so I’ll vie, with watchful eyes
for the closet of bones!

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
I’ll ask you if I should add more words?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Contest: 
Halloween Image Prompt Contest
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.

Comments

neopoet

Fri, 2023-10-27 02:10

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Pandora's Closet" explores the theme of past transgressions and the need to confront them. The use of imagery, particularly the metaphor of a closet of bones, adds depth to the poem. However, there are a few areas that could be improved upon.

Firstly, the poem's structure and rhythm could benefit from further development. The lines have varying lengths and syllable counts, which can make the poem feel disjointed. Consider revising the poem to create a more consistent flow and rhythm, perhaps by experimenting with line breaks and punctuation.

Additionally, the poem could benefit from more specific and vivid language. While the concept of past transgressions seeping from underneath the door is intriguing, it would be helpful to provide more concrete details or examples to engage the reader's imagination. This would allow the reader to better connect with the emotions and experiences being conveyed.

Lastly, the poem could benefit from further exploration of the theme. Consider delving deeper into the consequences or effects

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Lavender

Sat, 2023-10-28 06:58

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Hello, Gloria!
I really enjoy minimalism poetry, and appreciate the challenge in using as few words as possible. It is hard to do! I get everything about this wise poem and, along with the clever title, completely understand its theme. For me, it's not so much adding anything as it is the structure. I think I'd try a more vertical form, rather than keeping it lateral and lengthy.
It would be a bit easier visually for the reader, and probably let the thoughts of the poem breathe with a little more space.
Thank you!
Lavender

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