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Once Upon A Time (challenge)

Once upon a time
I had parents to love me

My past brings up a mixed bag of emotions
That fill my dreams at night
I learn about what I have lost
And what I had gained

I lost my parents
And remember their loving care
They encouraged me to work, to learn
To obey the commandments

They taught me about loving my
Brothers and sisters and my neighbors
They taught me respect for others
They taught me to believe in myself

Once upon a time Ihad parents to guide me
Now is the time to apply those goals in the future

I applied my parents guides from the past
Now I apply their well taught goals
I pray daily, I love my wife and children
And apply the same goals of my parents

I work at respecting my neighbors and workers
And give my children plans that achieve their goals
I ask them to pray, to respect their teachers
To develop plans for the future

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Once Upon A Time (challenge)" presents a narrative of personal growth and the influence of parental guidance. It effectively uses the repetition of the phrase "Once upon a time" to frame the narrative and evoke a sense of nostalgia.

However, the poem could benefit from more vivid and specific imagery. For example, instead of stating "They encouraged me to work, to learn," the poet could provide concrete examples of this encouragement, which would make the experiences more relatable and engaging for the reader.

The poem's structure could also be improved. The stanzas vary in length and the lines in each stanza are not consistent. This inconsistency can disrupt the rhythm and flow of the poem. A more uniform structure could enhance the poem's readability and overall impact.

The poem's theme of parental influence and personal growth is clear, but the poet could explore this theme in more depth. The poem could delve deeper into the speaker's emotions and thoughts, such as their feelings about applying their parents' teachings to their own life and their struggles or successes in doing so.

Lastly, the poet could consider using more varied and complex language to enrich the poem's tone and mood. The current language is straightforward and simple, which can make the poem feel flat. Using more descriptive and emotive language could enhance the poem's emotional resonance and make it more engaging for the reader.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Of parental love and guidance and your appreciation for what they taught you. You incorporated how you used what you learned with your own children....well done.

~RoseBlack~

Thank you, my parents gave me the essentials, it is up to me to apply what I was given

author comment

Thank you, my parents gave me the essentials, it is up to me to apply what I was given

author comment
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