Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Old Adam (Diabolic) by: eddy styx

Old Adam
(Diabolic)

Losing his insidious grip
how it did sweat and slip,
from his greedy clawing grasp
this slithering horned asp,
as he stung her innocent breast,
loathsome creature possessed...
of minor demon from the pits of hell
banish thy presence bid thee farewell!
Vile scourge upon this earth
ever despised since his moment of birth.
He is naught but a rancid repugnant disease
cowardly pestilence begging mercy on his knees,
this poisonous defiler and bane,
this... LOSER profane!

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

it may not mean what I think.
My thought is that you are portraying
men in general, from a man-hater's point of view!
Sarcasm? The words seem to writhe across the page
and sink their fangs into my brain. I read this
and wrote the comments while listening to a
Boogie Woogie duo on YouTube. Ladyva and Dr.K on piano!
[just in case you want to check it out, it's Boogie Woogie
Queen shows up for an Epic Jam.]

Your language is great, the theme interesting and
the logic seems to go from beginning to end very easily.
Great job! ~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

"Old Adam" is one of Lucifer's many names. the poem is a personification of him in his worst aspect. I hope this explanation helps. this is eddy's view of a greater Evil. thanks for taking the time to read and critique!

ever, eddy
*hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

in that case, it's better than ever! Hugs from the boys~ Geez.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

I can say "Amen" to this message within this poem of yours.

do Horned Asps really have knees? Your S1L11...

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I don't see a mention of (knees) there.

*hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.