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The Night Sun

We are on the verge of pain
Since we had followed our greed
To the corner of their mouths
Where lies live
With the coloured papers our fathers were sold
To the anthill of the savanna.

Under the sun, we spread their names on the walls
To convince our brothers and sisters
With the sweet words of their mouths.

Under the rain, we danced to their music
When the trumpeters called out our mothers
To the villages’ square
To sweep the market places with their voices and feet.

We are on the verge of pain
When we saw what they bit
Was more than what they could chew
To oil the forests
And grease the walls.

We have gone around the bend
Because they had turned our faces to the night sun.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
To turn one's face to the night sun mean "to disappoint someone". However, my country men have faced the night sun when our leaders have bit more than what they could chew.
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

your constant and tireless work at telling the story of your country's struggles. I see nothing I would change.
Your title is good, your language use gets better all the time. The theme is as should be, the recruitment of your fellow countrymen as a focus point. The emotional roller-coaster that you are on, leaves room for hope, and the thought that they have bitten off more than they can chew is troubling. ~ Geezer.
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Thanks.... I like your comment.

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