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Near L.A

Submitted by Isabel Agatha on Sun, 2023-10-01 08:48

I gazed upon the mirror,
And saw flashing cameras,

New age, new world, new order,
Prada, Versace, Dolce and Gabbana,

Iconic like you one day,
Sipping on Moët

Daydreaming on a yacht
Somewhere, probably near LA.

The flickering sunlight,
Which beamed and gleamed,
Was in fact
The square bulbed mirror,

A broken fluorescent-

And you're just an adolescent,
In an old market town,

Wearing someone's hand-me-downs,
Like everyone else
In this monotonous town.

Style / type:

Structured: Western

Review Request (Intensity):

I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Review Request (Direction):

What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

How does this theme appeal to you?

Is the internal logic consistent?

Last few words:

A short poem based on how when we are young, we dream big and want change, designer clothes and leisure. only a select few have the opportunity to be “iconic one day” , and only a few are born into class and wealth. I imagine this poem from the perspective of a late teen whose glamour and hope is squashed by the unfairness of society, and of course reality.

Editing stage:

Editing - polished draft

Contest:

Neopoem Of The Week October 1st to October 7th 2023

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

Comments

Geezer

Sun, 2023-10-01 10:33

I certainly...

can relate to this one. I am now 75 years old and other than obtaining a modicum of celebrity amongst my peers and family,
have never achieved the so-called "fame" and trappings of my imagined wealth. I wish you well and sincerely hope that you achieve your goals. I would change the line: "In an old market town", to read [marketplace]; where your worth is determined?
and it does not clash with the rhyme scheme. Of course, you may reject my suggestion and substitute your own answer.
~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Isabel Agatha

Wed, 2023-10-18 08:01

Thank you! Wrote this poem

Thank you! Wrote this poem when I was 16 so definitely could use a little polish!

author comment

Lavender

Sun, 2023-10-01 12:24

Near L. A.

Hello, Isabel,
You've hit the mark with this. Human nature in all of us, especially when we are young. Funny how these things no longer seem so important as you age. Really like the reference to the "broken fluorescent." Very genuine poetry!
Lavender

Isabel Agatha

Wed, 2023-10-18 08:01

Thank you means a lot :)

author comment

Neopoet

Near L.A