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Natural Cosmetics

From the sun I'd borrow its warmth
from the clouds some softness
from the stars the pride
and would borrow from the rain gentleness
to wrap my frigid heart.

From the sky I'd borrow its glory
from the day some light
from the night the quietness
and would borrow from the moon its sight
to veil my weary face

I'd borrow from the trees generosity
from the sea some passion
from the rocks some strength
and would borrow from the soil compassion.
to fill up that greedy heart.

If only I emulate nature
I would heal, amend and nurture.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
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Comments

It speaks for itself, these words. Obviously, the refrain ties it up neatly together. I won't want to tread the treacherous waters of interpreting the symbols you used in the piece, so I'll just sit back and enjoy this.

I have this one complaint though: it feels incomplete. After three stanzas of similar structure, one could expect a differently structured verse to conclude the poem. It's a bit like the music ending abruptly without a cadence. You kind of expect - and rightly want - more from the piece than is given you. Left me feeling slightly uncomfortable. However, it's just my opinion, and this stands as a cute and tidy poem.

No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot

http://www.wsgeorge.com/

I would have liked to hear your thoughts concerning the symbols if this won't interrupt your enjoyment.:)

As for the ending, I totally agree with you. I have many thoughts for ending it but I was afraid any would spoil the whole thing . What do you think if I only end it up with something like

If only..

do you think that would work?Please let me hear from you. Your thoughts are highly appreciated

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

author comment

No Rula. "If only..." is like vainly reaching out. It does not resolve the poem and bring it to a firm conclusion. I had something more of an unexpected twist in mind, but that will contradict the poem's spirit, imo.

This is probably something you shouldn't force. As it stands, it has some unique aesthetic that can be appreciated a lot. You probably should let it linger in your mind till something really appropriate drops into your heart.

Personally, (and this reflects my own views) I would have ended it with a rhyming couplet emphasizing the vain hope in emulating these noble qualities, because of my humanity and its inherent fallibility. Or on a starkly different note, to reassure myself that despite my inadequacies, I can be content with me.

But you really shouldn't rush to end it just yet. It's delicate, and a lot can go awry. :)

No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot

http://www.wsgeorge.com/

for the time and the thoughts.

May be I wasn't clear enough when I stated a simple "if only.." I still wanted that sort of uplifting spirit to the poem..I like to have it work in hand with your suggestion for a couplet to have something like

If we only emulate the nature
we would heal, amend and nurture.

or

When we emulate the nature
we would heal, amend and nurture.

What do you think ?

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

author comment

It ties the poem up and summarizes the thought concisely, without adding anything new to it. That works well. I prefer the second, only it isn't in first person singular (I, or We?), like the rest of the poem. :)

That's a fine couplet you got there.

No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot

http://www.wsgeorge.com/

I can't thank you enough.Highly appreciate your time and encouraging words.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

author comment

You have gathered all the elements for making a happy life based on wisdom and gentle emotion! I loved these lines:

and would borrow from the moon its sight
to veil my weary face

I have no suggestions, just appreciation for the work.
always, Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

Much appreciate your drop by dear Lady...
Thank you...

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

author comment
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