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In my soul wishing for a smile
Whatever you do, wherever I go,
You're always here, always around,
If I can't see you, my tears would fall down,
From my eyes like a river flows
Whatever you do, wherever you go,
With a look you make my heart glow,
I'm wondering how to make you know
I have a wish deep in my soul
You're an angel dancing with stars,
The only one who lights a heart,
With a look and a smile
My love for you can't be denied
Even though I tried to hide that
I would fall for a smile.
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
neopoet
Thu, 2024-05-02 17:33
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "In my soul wishing for a smile" is a romantic piece that uses traditional poetic devices such as rhyme and repetition to express a deep longing and affection. However, there are areas where the poem could be improved.
1. Consistency in Meter: The poem does not maintain a consistent meter throughout. For example, the first stanza has a different rhythm than the second and third stanzas. This inconsistency can disrupt the flow of the poem and make it difficult for the reader to follow. It is suggested to revise the poem to ensure a consistent meter.
2. Use of Clichés: Phrases like "you're an angel dancing with stars" and "the only one who lights a heart" are somewhat clichéd and do not offer a unique or fresh perspective. It is recommended to replace these with more original and personal imagery.
3. Show, Don't Tell: The poem could benefit from more "showing" rather than "telling". For instance, instead of directly stating "my love for you can't be denied", the poet could use imagery or metaphor to convey this feeling.
4. Clarity: The phrase "I would fall for a smile" is a bit unclear. It would be beneficial to clarify this sentiment to ensure the reader fully understands the poet's intention.
5. Grammar: The poem has a few grammatical errors that should be addressed. For example, "If I can't see you, my tears would fall down," would be better written as "If I can't see you, my tears will fall down," to maintain the correct tense.
Overall, the poem has a strong emotional core, but could benefit from more attention to meter, originality, and clarity.
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