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MY FIRST DRINK

Love, see what you made me do
After I have opened my door for you,
You stole everything from me without a trace;
It seemed I was dreaming when I realized
It was you who made me do this.
Why did you make me a slave of someone?
And a bunch-bag of thought?

Love, see what you made me do
After I have drank up your hot wine
I ran helter-skelter like a canoe
Tossed to and fro
And carried about with every wind
I slept but my heart woke
My love, my dove, my life,
Was the voice of the beloved
Knocking harder like the drops of water
I rose up to open my door, but you’d withdrawn yourself
I opened my windows if I would find you
Instead, I became a wanderer.

Love, see what you turned me to;
I drank more of your wines to stop thinking
My eyes became dull
While my heart was blank
I spoke countless of words
Yet, I couldn’t stop mockery.
I became people's laughter,
That was their only way to help.

Love, if I would tell you a story
The uniqueness of your nature,
When I was intoxicated on my bed,
I was uncomfortable.
It’s then I believed to love is easy
To divorce is like a wound that can never be healed.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
My first drink shows the reflection of my first love. How I felt when I missed her.
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

I can definitely see the connection. I lived my mornings one hangover to the next for two decades as a functional alcoholic. That uncomfortable feeling takes time (or more alcohol) to go away. Being in love is a lot like being drunk and when you’re not drunk anymore it hurts. Also, sometimes we have toxic relationships that we keep going back to which is a perfect metaphor for alcoholism or other addictions. It’s reads nicely. Nice job

I like your comment. Thank you!

"Words are currency of ideas and have the power to change world. Ride your pen on the rough road."

author comment

My first drink refers to; someone's first love in life. First love always left an imprint in our heart. It doesn't matter how it ends. Her memories lingers in the heart.

Love is stepping forward without knowing what is on the other side. Love sweets, bites and it consumes.

Emotive, heart-rendering, anguish, sorrow and woe!

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

There are two types of love: painful love and regular love. They both have the parts to play in one's life. And sometimes, they interchange to define and refine one's heart.
Love is genuine!

"Words are currency of ideas and have the power to change world. Ride your pen on the rough road."

author comment

This is a poem I can definitely empathize with. The up and down of love mixed with alcohol. I'm sure most of us have felt these emotions as well as the loss of the one who got away. Good write.

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Thank you for your critique. I like your comment.

"Words are currency of ideas and have the power to change world. Ride your pen on the rough road."

author comment
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