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My Bouquet
Coiffed in bouquets-my flowers and roses,
every color presents a meaning;
indigo, ivy, and yellow daffodils
charming red, to flame the feelings.
Red is passion, love and energy,
orange summons moments of happiness.
Yellow's clarity, gold, and truth while
blue enhances the dreamer's calmness.
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
Another attempt in trochee and dactyl.
Editing stage:
Workshop:
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Region & Country
Jordan
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Comments
raj
Fri, 2015-03-20 16:01
Rula
What a lovely title and in the poem you have indeed presented a bouquet of colors explaining what each stands for....pretty innovative...
i think it would read even better if you change the end of Vesrses 2 & 4 in Stanza 2...ofcourse that's just a suggestion...wait to hear others..
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
Rula
Fri, 2015-03-20 16:23
Thank you raj
for the compliment. It is always great to hear from you.
I don't think I need to worry about the endings of those lines as near rhymes are acceptable in such a non-strict form.
Again your thoughts are always appreciated.
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author commentraj
Fri, 2015-03-20 16:27
I didnt mean in the context
I didnt mean in the context of rhyming...i meant flow wise...
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
wesley snow
Fri, 2015-03-20 19:21
Familiar
and beautiful still.
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
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Rula
Sat, 2015-03-21 14:08
Thank you dear sir!
Thank you dear sir!
I am pleased to know you like it.
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author commentEsker
Sat, 2015-03-21 01:00
Blue Orchids...
WalMart had them on sale here...
color not created with dye but genes..
intense...mesmerizing..
if we can see...the beauty
that is there...
fantastic vivid write Rula
Rula
Sat, 2015-03-21 15:41
Thank you Steve
I always highly value your visit.
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author commentalidzain
Sun, 2015-03-22 13:40
Salam, Rula
Hooray!! You did it! I know you can do it and see, I'm right! Bravo! Congrats! So proud of you.
Alid
Rula
Sat, 2015-03-28 10:11
Thanks brother
Much appreciate your encouraging words. :)
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author commentjudyanne
Thu, 2015-04-02 08:01
I’ve parsed out of interest
one spondee only xxx
Coiffed in bou | -quets my | flow -ers and | ros -es,
eve -ry | col -or pre | -sents a | mean -ing;
in –dig –o | ivy, and | yell -ow | daff –o -dils
charm -ing | red, to | flame the | feel -ings
Red is | pass -ion | love and | en –er -gy,
o -range | sum -ons | mom -ents of | happ –i -ness
Yell -ow's | clar -i -ty | gold and | truth while
blue en | -hances the | dream -er's | calm -ness
a very pretty write, I like it more the more I read it...
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
wesley snow
Thu, 2015-04-02 13:20
I agree with everything except the spondee.
I think "while" is not stressed. At least I didn't when I read it.
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
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Rula
Thu, 2015-04-02 10:49
Thank you dear Judy
Thank you dear Judy
for your kind words.
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author commentSparrow
Thu, 2015-04-02 11:22
Beauty in verse
A lovely piece Rula, what more can I say,
Yours as always, Ian
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Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti