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Moonlight Kiss

Softer than a pillow
pinker than its lace
your lips comfort me
with a silken caress

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

thank you for your lovely comment and response in a very lovely romantic verse....

much love...

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

What sweet simplicity of expression in the bliss of togetherness unfettered and undisturbed.

Love to you from Ann.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

i am truly touched by your comment..coming from seasoned poets like you it is very inspiring...thank you for the read ..

much love...

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

Raj, that is a very sweet thought!

always, Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

thank you for the read and comment which is much appreciated..

warmly...

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

Offer my lips,
the silky
touch in return
would wet me

loved

i loved the spontaneity of your lovely response....

much love..

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

Your lips divine
Give me an opportunity
To define
That as we place
A lip upon lip
We would perhaps
Entwine
Like a vine
Ending up
In my most favourite
Frenchy

loved

once again i am awed and touched by the spontaeinity of your beautifull poetic response...

much love...

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

spontaneous thanks posted the kisses first series one

loved

thank you for your comment ...it is a delight to know that you found this to be worthy to bookmark.,...

much love...

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

So sweet and yet full of romantic feeling. What a lovely tribute this would make for someone special.

Brilliant

Love Mand xxxxxxx

Raj,

short and sweet...I prefer your longer poems but this does still hold its appeal.

I wasn't sure if you intended for the second and fourth line to rhyme...it would give it a rounded flow if it did, so you could change the last word to:

Softer than a pillow
pinker than its lace
your lips comfort me
with a silken caress (embrace)

Just a thought my friend,

HS

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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

very sorry for being late on this one...suggestions are always most welcome...i did give a good thought to the change proposed by you..as rightly said by you, the word ."embrace" does give the poem a more rounded look phonetically w.r.t. "lace" in line 2....however since it is in the context of "lips" i feel the word "caress" (like the gentle caress of moon light) is a better fit...

please never stop making suggestions and/or critique..i thrive on them ...

warmly...

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

Raj,

your reasoning is sound - I won't stop offering advice, don't you worry.

Keep up the writing...especially the 'dark' stuff.

regards,

HS

--------------
Workshops are now open:
http://new.neopoet.com/workshop/find
--------------
With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

thank you for your comment ..good to know you enjoyed it..

much love..

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment
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