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Moon Flower

Submitted by Dina Lilith on Fri, 2015-08-21 08:14

White snow July on petals of down
Light flutters off wings of fae.
Vine climbs, entwined to form ladder
Of kindred steps to play.

Open after heat, sun begins to yawn slumber
A birth of the moon-light mother.

Kissed by glowing orb, a bedtime story for the sleepless. Not to be grasped in heavy hand, it's beauty is keepless.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft

Comments

Esker

Wed, 2015-09-23 22:26

Esker's picture

spent the nite walk with the dog....though I like others.
I dont play that well....there are reasons for that..
but I enjoy the deer we see....the lake at night
with its lights..
the stars and falling stars..
the woods with its fearfulness...

moonflowers..would not know one...I dont pick flowers
myself....we have a garden and a few inside plants..
I like the word Fae
the words are rare and valueable like moonflowers
the cut and paste world...
there is finesse left for many!

thank U

Sparrow

Thu, 2015-09-24 04:14

Sparrow's picture
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Lovely to read from a new member of Neo, welcome to our world.
Any time you have problems here just ask no matter what, and I hope to see lots more of your words.
Have a look at the on going workshops here, I think one from Wesley that has no ending where Epic's are aired.
Take care and great to walk with you,
Yours, Ian.
Thank you for the word Fae it opens a new world to our readers..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

scribbler

Thu, 2015-09-24 22:06

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Very nice. I hardly ever think to use archaic words for rhyme..........stan

raj

Fri, 2015-09-25 13:48

"It's beauty is keepless" is a unique line...i liked it and of course your poem too....welcome to Neopoet Ms. Dina Lilith...

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

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