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Misery

<p>Why will you not speak?
Do I terrify?
Is honesty a scare,
For you young one?

Tip toe around, bounce,
She is coming.
My head is held under.
I taste the salt, the pearls

That grow on my skin.
Pain is all over,
All within.
Run for cover -
She is set to land.

Look in my eyes,
What do you see?
Egg shells perhaps,
She has cracked me,
Not only here,
But turning back,
The hands that define now,
Will guide you and show
She has held me too long.

Will she so easily aid you?
In tearing down the walls,
That are my esprit.

The cogs of my mechanics,
Sink heavy deep,
She is gravity,
So it seems.

She holds my head under,
You do not resuscitate,
But drive nails through my cover,
In all of your finest clothes.

Will you take her hand?
Silently as accustomed.
Will you manage it?
Will you manage it?</p>

Style / type: 
Free verse
Editing stage: 

Comments

A bit depressing, this one. Also a bit obscure.

Edna
Poet(ess) to the Stars

And nice atmosphere in this poem. There are some very strong images like the pearls that grow on your skin
I leave the poem a bit too confused to enjoy the emotion behind it. I need a few more clues to invite me in. Most important I don’t know or feel who or what “she” is. Is it a metaphor for “ misery” or a real she? Don’t explain this to me... let me discover that in the poem.

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

I get it and feel it. Beware formatting. If your poem really needs formatting, 'concrete poetry', then the words aren't working well enough.

Intimacy, without it being a love poem, is the toughest and bravest theme to undertake amongst modern poetic themes.

Edna and Mark's comments were pertinent yet I feel just a few minor tweaks would make it more accessible without having to resort to 'spelling it out'.

I really look forward to more of your work and welcome to Neopoet.

cheers,
Jess
New Workshop!-
Critique For New And Old
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/critique-new-and-old

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