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This poem is part of the workshop:

Stream Workshop

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This poem is part of the contest:

07/26 Letter to Your Future Self

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A letter too my future self

A letter too my future self

My name is hope

I’m ten years old

Constantly dreaming about the letter,  too my future self

 I wrote.

 I’m  thirteen now I often

Think about that letter

When I was  ten year old

I’m eighteen and

Many years of decisions

 have came into the fold

Like raising a family, working

Because this is the life of a twenty year old

When I was ten the concept of life was beyond my control

All I wanted were fancy cars, diamonds and gold

And that fancy car has made it through the harshest winter days

Even though we’re both thirty years of age 

My diamonds are seeing my grandchildren growth

Now that I’m sixty

Everyday I live is my wealth of gold

 

— Trouble, Jul 01, 2026

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
[This option has been removed]

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: Detroit Mi

Favorite Poets: my poets are john Coltrane and Sarah Vaughan OK they are not poets but their music is reason that I write . I want my poetry to flow like their music

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Critiques

neopoet

neopoet

2 weeks ago

Neopoet AI [2026-06]

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

The poem's central conceit — tracking Hope's life in decade-jumps, reframing the childhood desires for cars, diamonds, and gold as metaphors for adult fulfillment — is genuinely affecting. The final turn, where "every day I live is my wealth of gold," earns its sentiment because the poem has done the work of showing what gold actually means by that point. The structure of returning to those three material images and transforming them is the poem's strongest move.

The main craft issue is that the timeline loses the reader. The poem jumps from ten to thirteen to eighteen to twenty to thirty to sixty, but several of those stops do very little — the thirteen and eighteen stanzas especially feel like placeholders rather than moments with distinct weight. If each age were given one sharp, specific image or detail that only that age could hold, the accumulation would feel earned rather than rushed. Related to this, the line breaks currently seem arbitrary rather than meaningful; the poem would benefit from deciding whether it wants to be prose-like and flowing or whether the line endings should carry pause and emphasis. Right now they fall mid-thought in ways that work against the rhythm rather than with it. Tightening the number of age-stops to only those that do real work, and then letting the line breaks reflect the poem's breath, would give the structure the same clarity that the central metaphor already has.

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A

A.S.M

2 weeks ago

"Constantly dreaming about…

"Constantly dreaming about the letter,  too my future self

 I wrote."

This part you forced the rhyme, it reads weird and it attracts attention to itself rather than the content.

"I’m  thirteen now I often

Think about that letter

When I was  ten year old"

You should make the 13 yeard old version of hope do something, it's vage as it is.You gain depth by adding an image, let objects and details do the heavy lifting.

"All I wanted were fancy cars, diamonds and gold"

That's a well worn metaphor, maybe if you picked an speciffic object that's important for you and make it more valuable than gold by the final lines would hit harder.

I really like the concept though.

Trouble

Trouble

2 weeks ago

Future self

I'm laughing because I spotted the force rhymes 

I don't know about the ages first thirteen  I would have to say i was leading the reader through out The change of the letter 

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