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LAPPING UP POEMY

Today is about to come
I see rays of the morning dawn
Cool chilly breeze is blowing
as cats are meowing
lapping up their milk
before the twilight

I can see coming above the distant hill
I too am now thinking
to lap up composing poemy
but the blood which flows within
says hold on
let the Inferno rise above to the zenith
then you may think
perhaps may change your mind
when comes the sunset twilight
no one like anyone else can be born
why lap up this morn

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Now I'm tired thanx
lovedly [email protected]

author comment

lovedly, what the hell is a poemy?
Cool, chilly are much the same thing.
Try "A chilly breeze is blowing"
If the dawn is here, then it is not [before] the twilight
it is [in] the twilight.
What do you see coming above the distant hill?

I know, after getting such a great review by Teddy 15
here comes Geezer, tearing up your Poemy and leaving the scraps
blowing in the wind of that chilly breeze.

It's just that I know you can do better. I really do like your
thoughts here, I just think that you could put them together
with a little more thought. You should have waited until the zenith! ~ Geez.
.

Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Even if you just say: I liked this story or your spelling
of a word is wrong, take the time to write a line or two
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.

I was dog tired
half asleep
so just trashed what came to me
Need be I'll scrap it
Dearest Gee

this week I a have been running like a bunny or a bee
like to now flee
or become once again
a butterfly
Dear Gee
two twilight's
sunset then twilight
takes over the darker night
and
morning one
twilight ere comes up the dawn
and across the hill one sees
the sprawling spreading sun's rays
Gee what will you call it do tell me please .

once dawn is born
day takes on
So I thought friend
do help me to my vision amend
amen
you are now so nice to me I can with half blind now see thankee

author comment

before the dawn. Dawn is the start of day. Evening twilight is just after the sun sets; before the night. Simple. You are tired, stop your dallying around all night and get a bit of sleep. You're eighty now, for God's sake! Geez.
.

Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Even if you just say: I liked this story or your spelling
of a word is wrong, take the time to write a line or two
and comment. Your fellow poets will thank you!
.

GEE I am really sleepy
@80 now its past midnight
lol

author comment
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