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Justification(A Nonet)

Justification for ones life lived
apologies not forthcoming
what I am is where I've been
past lies dog my footsteps
aggression flows free
within these walls
must take heed
and find
peace

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

is this the one you were working on in chat?
not a bad piece, but you like it raw, right?
you don't really have to tell the reader it's a nonet in the title, though i personally thank you because i had no idea what a nonet was, so i could be wrong.
there were a few cliches in there- 'follow me still', 'flows free', 'within these walls'.
it could use a little work, but pretty much everything here does.
keep 'em coming!

nullus anxietas,
t_f

Yes it is the same one. I know I did an entire workshop on cliches and I used them here
hmmm it was hard to avoid them in order to keep the meter going as it should
thank for checking my work out I'll have to do the same with yours
Chrys

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

author comment

I'm such a dunce that I had to look up "Nonet" in my dictionary. Well, my dictionary must be a dunce, too, because this is what it said:

nonet

no·net [no nét] (plural no·nets) noun
1. composition for nine voices or instruments: a piece of music composed for nine voices or instruments
2. group of nine musicians: a group of nine singers or instrumentalists

Well.. that can't be it! So I assume that a nonet is a poem having nine lines with of nine syllables, each following line dropping a syllable count untill the last line ends with one word (syllable). Am I close?

Instead Of "follows me still" maybe you could use: "dogs my footsteps"? and "through out my head" for "within these walls"

I very much like the premis for this piece! The imagery and sentiment is there. Good title.

always, Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

nonet
9 line poem
first line starts with nine syllabuls
then 8
7 and so on
I haven't looked yet but your suggestions may or may not fit the pattern

used one I liked it better than mine
the other I might keep as itt is
thanks for the help

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

author comment

I LOVE the nonet style! *happy dance* it is wayyy too underused.

~ Jess K
"A parakeet is one who takes care of you until the real keet arrives.." - George Carlin http://www.centranthus.blogspot.com

I know you like this style, and you also know they aren't as easy to write as it may seem
Hey love your quote
thanks for reading now have to consider Cat's suggestions

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

author comment
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