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A Journey (into Sunku)

I move
As the wind
I seek you there

A place
We both know
For us to share.

Hold me
As you dream
I will be there..

Style / type: 
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
Love this way of writing..
Editing stage: 

Comments

I like it.
May i suggest to try to add more content, perhaps some images that would define the place a little more?
The poems feels like wanders of a ghost in love.
Is it a breeze or a stormy overwhelming gale?

IRiz

I feel that no matter the style a poem should still have a rich and potent content. Try Imagine a Sunku as a punch-line in a Rap where the entire verses are summarized into a single or two line stretchers...

Hommies

Very good comment. I feel we are on the same page.
Notice that you can select an option to mark your comment as a workshop critic. Please do it for me. I want your comments be more noticeable.

IRiz

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