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Intonation

I feel like an overflowing river,
streaming consciousness.
I feel like an instrument,
tuned to your pitch.
Drink me, play me;
here I am, waiting
in this eternity,
breathing integration
as a calibration
to the connection of our bodies.
We entertained close enough
for our stories to intertwine, now
unraveling one another
from the fabric
floating again along the cosmos.
I tune into
this distant dance
surrendering me
to relax
from the acquiescence
of gentleness
upon smooth skin.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
While this poem is subversively sexual, so is nature. This poem spoke to me for this contest as a chance to feel the way writing converges the mind into art. I hope that the oneness of nature is conveyed in this poem, "Intonation."
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

You capture them well. We hate to leave em but it almost hurts when we bounce back into the here and now..
It's a good poem, makeit..
Best of luck in the competition..
Later,
Mark

THE MARK
.
If you take the time to read a poem then take the time to let the author know you were there. Study it and form an opinion as well, even if it means going back to it more than once. That is basic critique, what Neopoet is all about.

Something that makes us what we are. Creatures of the world, one with the universe. Your language is good and does not
require me to go to the dictionary; which is always a bummer. It flowed well from beginning to end. Nice job. Welcome to Neo.
I hope that we see many more from you. ~ Geezer.
.

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of a word is wrong, take the time to write a line or two
and comment. Your fellow poets will thank you!
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