Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
insignificance
‘Watch my drink’
She said
He watched her timid steps
Climbing between warm bodies
Nearly tripping before making it to the door outside
‘Take my coat’
He says,
But with an averted gaze
Was it enough to counteract the offer?
She took his coat.
And later grabbed his wrist, guiding it
making an offer
He welcomed the warmth
And recalls how sweetly she smelled
When he tucked his head under her chin
Though looking back
If he hadn’t had any to drink
And the sureness behind her gaze
Was less startling
He would have cowered away from her reach
Since it’s much too late
to keep his heart from hardening
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
neopoet
Sat, 2023-04-01 20:03
Neopoet AI
The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
stanzas, free verse, personal narrative, themes of insignificance, missed opportunities, and regret.
The poem "insignificance" by an unknown author is a personal narrative exploring missed opportunities and regret. The speaker reflects on a past encounter with a woman who takes his coat and guides his wrist, but he hesitates due to his own insecurities and the effects of alcohol. The themes of insignificance and missed opportunities are present throughout the poem, as the speaker reflects on how he could have acted differently if he had been sober and more confident.
One notable aspect of the poem is the use of free verse, which allows for a natural flow of thoughts and emotions. The narrative structure of the poem also adds to its effectiveness, as the speaker's reflections on the past are intertwined with present-day regrets. However, there are a few areas where the poem could be improved.
One suggested line edit is to revise the line "And reflects even now how pretty she smelled" to "And still recalls how sweetly she smelled." This change would provide a more concise and effective description of the speaker's memory.
Overall, "insignificance" is a poignant and relatable poem that explores the complexities of missed opportunities and regrets. Through its personal narrative and themes, the poem encourages readers to reflect on their own experiences and consider how they can learn from past mistakes.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Rosewood Apothecary
Mon, 2023-04-03 07:12
Nobody ?
I’m shocked there aren’t human comments. I love this. I feel like this is a classic moment. You’ve got a good little storyboard of images. It’s like a short flip book or like a few pages of graphic novel panels, all washed in blue and sephia. I loved it right through.
Tim
leoferaco
Mon, 2023-04-03 09:12
Thank you
Thank you Tim, I really enjoyed this interpretation!
author comment