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I pray that god will like my world
It’s you if you would see yourself,
on the days when the sun sets early
Its you if love was easier to eat
and food, to pass
I’d say it's you if I had the words
or could transcribe the notes
If you could click your heels
to sow your wild oats
Its you if you prayed to god
trusting he will like your world
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
the praying to god part isn't literal I am not religious
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Lavender
Thu, 2022-11-10 07:25
I pray that god will like my world
Hi, Leo,
These are gentle words of affirmation. I'm not certain if the poet is speaking to self or someone else, but the feeling is strong and encouraging. If poems could receive hugs instead of comments, I'd give a hug to this one.
Thank you,
Lavender
leoferaco
Thu, 2022-11-10 09:47
Hi Lavender,
Hi Lavender,
I really appreciate your reply, totally understand the feeling of wanting to hug art, I sometimes get that with books I read. Glad I could evoke the same feeling for you !
author commentGeezer
Thu, 2022-11-10 10:27
I think that...
it's someone you would like to have in your world and wanting God to like it for you. Maybe...
~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
leoferaco
Fri, 2022-11-11 21:07
the use of "God"
I mainly used "God" as a tool to express the futility in asking a higher power to "change the world." So the lines, "Its you if you prayed to god/trusting he will like your world" mean the "you" in this case, would pray asking god to "fix" the world to match their vision of a "better" world, trusting this higher power would agree with this vision. This draft is a very trimmed down version of the initial write so I could see how that might've gotten lost in my many, many edits of it haha. Of course poetry can be interpreted in many different ways and I always appreciate hearing what you think! thank you
-Leo
author commentGeezer
Sat, 2022-11-12 01:50
I get it...
and I think you do too! ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Jackweb
Fri, 2022-11-11 11:48
Beautiful!
A symphonic piece of creative beauty!
.
"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".
~Jackweb
leoferaco
Fri, 2022-11-11 21:02
thank you
Much appreciated Jackweb!
-leo
author comment