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I live (Sunku)

I live
without form
just to be me

some can't
accept me
as just myself

I add
poetry
and cook till done

Editing stage: 

Comments

Thank you for a wonderful poem.
It is very Zen.
I love it simple elegance and lightness.

IRiz

I said earlier that I felt the form constricting but seeing what Raj and others could do with it I tried again and found more peace than a good haiku.
Thank you.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

The theme is great, but for a short poem I feel the poem is too naked. A little bit of attachment to deviate from actual thoughts could be great, but it's just my thoughts, all the same good poem.

Hommies

It does not achieve what Sunku is designed to- the meaning between the lines.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

Maybe not that straightforward?
Thinking how much could be behind the meaning of form or structure.
Let's not try too hard to be criptic.

the warbler
practices his song
and then practices again
as Kaga no Chiyo once said.

IRiz

A commitment to be outside yourself looking in, there in reason, no matter how wrong an utter disbelief in the acceptance of others liking your form.
There in poetry hides a man that has much to give, then tends to poetic needs, as a cover of all things.
Time to assess the real you, and your worth to others and then accept the truth.
Go well young Jess, here you have at last accepted that you are..
Yours as always Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

I've struggled with the same problem; riding that fine line of being too direct in each thought, but leaving enough room to write between the lines. I think that it does get easier with practice. It may not be something that one can do every-time without a good deal of thought. I do like the option of not being held to strict parameters. ~ Gee.
.

Please acknowledge critique and comments.
They are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

Poetry can have a tendency to be abstract by intention especially considering it is written as an expression of self so naturally only the author will have a full understanding

Mario Vitale

Well said. Join us please at the work shop. Your poetry rocks, my friend.

IRiz

I think his comment is as fatuous and disingenuous as everything else he posts.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

So sorry that you don't like my poetry I do try my best.
Funny I have 826 fans on Allpoetry who do like my writings its just sad that's all. Very sad.

Mario Vitale

You are a mediocre poet who learned a few tricks and has henceforth done nothing to improve your craft. That is why you are the most represented person on the 'Undiscovered works' list.

Wake up! Arsehole. Poetry is important, proselytising is spiritual rape. When you get that through your thick head you might learn a few things here to improve your craft instead of being treated as the mediocre spiritual rapist that you have been so far.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

If you're missing something it is my fault, trying to carry too much subtext.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

I've been ignoring your poetry, assuming you were a mouthpiece for Crud. He and I could have been friends, he is a fine poet, but his arrogance subsumes all. Every time he has been allowed back or came back under an assumed name he has attacked Neopoet ruthlessly. He is dead to me.

You are another matter, and I am writing this assuming you might be Crud under yet another guise. To give you the benefit of the doubt I will get to and critique your work as if you are you.

My apologies for not doing so sooner. I have many roles here and several protegees so I can't give feedback as much as I would like. I will do so.

Valene, if you are still in touch with him I would like to know why he keeps trying to come back when he clearly holds Neopoet, and in fact everyone who is not himself, in such utter contempt.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

and he is still up in the air as to why he was banned. As he has told me. and I have no doubt of his sincerity, that the last time he was on here, having had his ban lifted, he closed his account and all was well.
However, when he re-applied the procedure to do so here does not allow one to use the same username a second time. So, what choice was left but to use another name? He used 'Gunnar Hedlund' and made no bones about his true identity and therefore would very much like to know why and who took the decision to ban him?

As to your slating him for slating Neo, he has only spoken out when, with all good intentions in Neo's favour, he has found the standards he first encountered here to be as one on a slippery slope and, as far as he is aware, no-one (excepting Licia Daniels, of course) has left Neo as a result of his actions.
You on the other hand, as he has recalled to me, have pushed an avalanche through the timing gate without a stitch let alone a ski, to the detriment of Neo's medal haul.

I look forward to some positive answers and, hopefully, the reinstatement of a poet more than worthy of gracing Neo's boards again!

Best wishes....val.

Read what I said again and other's replies to your blog about it.
That's it, no more on the subject from me. As far as the Trustees and Managing Directors are concerned (ACs come and go) he is banned for life. Let it go.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

quite a bit about how the poet inhabits the actual world, how he or she has an effect on it.

flip out like that Jess. Poets barely get any kind of recognition in this country even when they are well known. We're all in this together (except for the academics and the MFAS)

Sometimes over corporate atrocities and planetary death, sometimes over a broken shoelace and I get tired of apologising.

The thing most likely to make me lose my noodle though is not being listened to. The whole issue was explained carefully and rationally by several other people besides me but some just ignored it all and kept pressing the issue.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

I agree poetry is a spice of life!
Mine is ginger and cinamon and white wine
How about yours? Ghost pepper I bet? Lol!

IRiz

I agree poetry is a spice of life!
Mine is ginger and cinamon and white wine
How about yours? Ghost pepper I bet? Lol!

IRiz

I agree poetry is a spice of life!
Mine is ginger and cinamon and white wine
How about yours? Ghost pepper I bet? Lol!

IRiz

I agree poetry is a spice of life!
Mine is ginger and cinamon and white wine
How about yours? Ghost pepper I bet? Lol!

IRiz

just gimme a coupla handfuls of chile, tumeric, garlic, yes ginger and anything else not too subtle and I'll cook any sonnet into sauce, haiku into hamburger, even a Sunku into vindaloo!

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

Lol, Raj might have something to add to the vindaloos

IRiz

things that are true about corporate dominance and everything else is something the world files--along with everything else that matters under: repressive mechanisms.

Stock your refrigerator full of liquor and booze, and don't bother us about it. Thus is the conspiracy

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