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to vanquish begins with a flame
expanding while separating the holy
many left in disregard wholly
the rest become a quest to tame

without this contradistinction
similarity breeds in only some
homogeneous now not all in sum
purity leads to extinction

in each fall we nourish the earth
regenerating flaw in each new son
but each still stretches towards the sun
squandering revisited worth

cup containing contraception
taking life of one from two
past lives laid to squander too
yet we view a warm reception

this genetic composition
striving to keep itself plain
will malnourished open plains
never entering fruition

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Last few words: 
Take the interpretation as you will. I have my own ideas of what the poem is, but I do not wish to alter your perspectives with my own. I will note that the lack of punctuation and capitalization is intentional. I am sorry if that display does not appeal to you personally, however if you feel particular punctuation will enhance the reader's ability to follow the flow of the poem in any area please let me know. This is by no means the first poem I've written, but it is the first poem I have displayed to anyone other than myself.
Editing stage: 


consider the success of ee cummings. It can lead to serious misinterpretations, again that is your choice. I believe that once we post a poem it is no longer our property, it is the property of the reader to interpret as they will.

Having said that, this poem leaves me perplexed. I read it aloud, even recorded it
and found myself no better informed.

There is beautiful use of sound and language. The first stanza is quite profound. The second sounds like a poet scientific warning about the dangers of monoculture. Possibly also the third stanza. The forth sounds like a Catholic stance against contraception, or perhaps the choice amongst some cultures for males sons.The fifth seems to warn against the dangers of this.

All in all, though enjoying your word use and elegance of language I am so perplexed as to be left unsatisfied. I have no problem with ambiguity or surrealism however this just befuddles me. Perhaps I am being stupid and missing the obvious, and I do understand the reluctance of many poets to explain their work, but perhaps a hint or two? Maybe showing me where I am right off track, perhaps a flaw in my own rigidity of thought (an idea that terrifies me)

A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'

There is more to it than this in my head, but it should provide a context to reading the poem where you can see where it may have failed conveying the plot in my mind.

I will first admit that one of my personal critiques of the poem is the difficulty to understand the larger message. It would be signifigantly easier with an animation to this poem, but I found certain degrees of difficulty portraying these images through words. One of the hints I aimed to include is the title, hydrology, referring to the water cycle, however I avoided using the term water to make it more of an epiphany if one could realize it. In the first 3 stanzas I am aiming to link the water purification that occurs when water evaporates to society's view of individuality. The evaporated water becomes more "pure" but the nuances of the minerals and different components of the water vanish. When we see indivuduals conform their opinions to the views of the majority we lose those essential minerals. After a time that society falls, as the rain falls, we begin to see the water take on these minerals and individual complexities again, but enevitably they still stretch towards the sun, becoming the "pure" once again.(Note all of this water purity is refering to the homogeneity of people being the same not pure in the sence of innocence or not doing evil)

This is where there is a bit of issue in the poem, because the level of water purity I aim to speak of is actually more pure than simply evaporation or boiling water will give you which differs from the situation by which "purity" is being created, but it is known that if you drink too much water that has been over purified it can kill you. The science behind it involves the water being hypotonic and exactly how it effects the cells is beyond my understanding, but that is the concept utilized.

As we move to the "Cup containing contraception" stanza, this is aimed to represent when we drink of a cup containing the "pure" water. With this I am trying to associate the aspects of drinking this "purified water" gets rid of your individuality by taking in the mainstream beliefs which passes down to hinder your child's individual growth (taking life of 1 from a couple). "Past lives laid to squander too" is meant to show how the past generations of teaching their individual beliefs are suddenly unused and their passed on selves are replaced by the larger beliefs. In the end this taking on of the wider, more popular views is viewed in a positive way by those around you.

Then serves as a further warning. Genetic diversity is viewed as better for survival, so the lack of these differences, as the water to an open plain, will lead to malnourishment as a whole and "fruit will never be beared" so to speak.

I am not the best at describing what goes on in my head, but this is a condensed version of what I am imagining through this poem. I mainly write for myself rather than an audience, so the result is that certain details are very vague and only I really know what they mean. My goal is that if someone were to sit and study my poem they may be able to piece some of it together over time, but sounds beautiful enough to enjoy without studying it.

author comment

I know it is not easy and one would much rather not do it.
It is a fine line we tread between spoon-feeding our reader and being too obscure to be accessible.

I personally regard my work as no longer belonging to me, but to my reader, once posted, however that is to do with my left-libertarian ideologies of property as theft, and each makes their own choice in that regard.

The work does stand on its own, without explanation and is then broadened with it. I have sometimes been so appalled at what feels like a wilful misinterpretation of my work it was all I could do to not become abusive (actually, I've failed on occasion).

Thanks again, I look forward to more of your work and if I feel it needs explication it will only be on a point or phrase, not the whole work.

A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'

When I went back to my rez..reserve although canadian natives prefer to call it
First Nation land..
the basic old school teachings were..
elders and youth walk along together
which was true in the old days
the old taught the new
the middle were out doing
gathering working
little time for teaching
or instructing

and the young were eager
to learn skills to enable
them to be independent

really old school stuff

I like the eighteen hundred mentality
because despite all the years
come and gone the basic
frontier town build
then of mining towns
are the same constructs
of todays society
built on constitutions rebellions
and all from that period onward
and that everyone romantizes
those days from photographic
glass plate photos
of heros and anti heroes

american and canadian

I came from my parents
who worked hard to get cash
to buy their needs..
cars in my fathers case
always the north american
v-8's big sedans
not extra power but
would do the hundred mile
and twenty no problem loaded
with his homies and groceries
and beer
I know..I drove it this fast one
day to prove his point..

The gen before me worked hard
they saw the world war two
my father tried out but got rejected
due to his spine bubble
the fluid sac which healed
he worked forty one years railroad
the big italians..short sat at our table
drinking whiskey..
Im named after the roadmaster
big names still in the city that I live..

genes..and a name still carries
the poem does not say son or daughter
its the ideals and principles stressed
I got raised with fairytales and bible
I pick up garbage in my city
and hold doors and flirt shamelessly
and work for mostly my Matriarch


I raised or helped raise two boys too
from another relationship
these two are very alpha
one has his own business
the other is a fireworker
in the oil feilds
very extreme professions
both boys

I helped raise two girls
knowing our own family
history and how women
are treated as objects
by the old boy network

and today with the women
who love the psychopathic
mommas boys
whom let the boys run rampant
with what they want
the women need
and want their desires

fifty shades of grey
the modern version
of Lord Chatterleys Lover
and all that

which I read both
and found titillating


Women reproduce heirs
and the old school
was you just listened to
the elders
ho boy
in our family
and my old ladies family
the patriarch elder
has this voice
he speaks and you listen

but times they are a changing
like dylan sang
most just know Drake today
and even He has a rough

Dylan didnt go into bars and
fight like Drake does
Dylan was political
he had his haters in his time..

Old people

Young people today
have phones
facebook Pinterest
and photographic sites
its the narcistic society
and Facebook Likes

Lately I was astounded to
find out the younger generation
do not wash dishes..cook
do their own laundry
or work as hard as we did
Our generation had two
jobs and something under
the table for cash
we drove walked to hang
out and chum
shared money for drugs
and records
and booze
and sex

and we helped our parents
if they put wheels under us
and cash on the slip
cut grass...washed floors
did laundry
helped buy groceries

But todays youth..

my perspective

I do her laundry
do her dishes
she has cash
and sends me to tim
hortons for coffee
meals..I get a coffee
of all this

she has never washed
or done her laundry
and the mother and I
pretty much do a lot
for her
but she is a good
\kid..not pregnant
or on drugs
had a job
was and did well
in school

at the moment
into the boyz
but not for the child
and cash like some
in north america
which works out
well for a lot
of people

we have a good
system built
from the crown

the women provide
boy child...
which is great if your a man
an heir
your name continues
another Old Boy future

and Mommas boy


A daughter..
barbies and toys
books and sweet intelligence

Of my women they had
very alpha fathers and
different children
the fathers were good
and were there for
the most part

But todays soceity
hooks up with these phones
send propoganda
to hook ones interest
likes no likes


and they are like
if I dont have to do this
today...and get away
with it then I can

and you cant discipline
which is good
because some people
used that ideal
too far

our gen got beaten
for no reason and more
so the cut back on
this is good


now this free new gen
is quite lax
still smart kids
with more tools
of interaction
I like the phones
camera taking
locating devices
a record archive
tool etc..

I think thought that
there is a great
between their gen
and our gen
which is sad
because we are like
old fossils that have
strange stories
the skills we have
are good to know
and learn
and then

if the kids need to know
how to cook they just
look it up on Facebook
so they are not lost
but I feel
this is the Lost

if you need to borrow this to
write a book go for it

they have this modern now
and archive
right at their fingertips

I made a child
maybe more
the genes
are identical
behaviours identical
more like me
and a bit like the mother

a lot of people dont make
and its a Gift from God
because many try
and nothing occurs

I like the use of Hydrology
because to this day
We float about in our mothers
the voices noise
hearbeat her voice
is imprinted on us
and if all goes well
we are very close
or not at all
but we are with her

except me I got abandoned
at three months

anyway..a great poem
that stirs me
thus the long assed comment
Poems are short books
to me
like little flash cards
for the mind
I get a lot out of all poetry

Thank You

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