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Hostel Intentions...

Stealthy stepping from the alley, moving in the dark
Killer went patrolling, the little garden park

Gray and black, the shadows, corners full of alone
There were figures in the fog, but they were all of stone

Killer watched the paths and by-ways, he didn’t miss a thing
Almost silent feathers heard, as a cagey owl took wing

Senses honed to sharpness; chasing monsters made them so
He sniffs the air for odors, his eyes run to and fro

A movement in the shadows, makes him turn his head
Reflexes made of lightning, keeps him from being dead

Two titans, heavy muscled men, struggle in the night
It’s a match made not in Heaven; a really hellish fight

A flashing blade brings grunts of pain, Killer twists it in
They stumble ‘round on the grass, in a dance so grim

Bleeding from a dozen wounds, the rapist tries to flee
Oh no, you don’t, says Killer; you’re not escaping me

You need to have this operation, your soul just ain’t quite right
I mean to fix it here and now, before we leave tonight

With that he ties the pervert down, to a bench back in the trees
Then he unfolds his book of knives, as he gets down on his knees

“No screaming now, it wouldn’t be right, to ruin such a night”
A gag tied firmly, binding tongue, but no blindfold for his sight

The bench is shaking with beautiful pain, blood runs down the side
Muffled shouts upon deaf ears, here runs a crimson tide

A flap of skin hangs down the skull, a sawed-hole in the very back
Killer lifts out a piece of brain, ‘This is what made him attack’

At least, I think it may be true, I’m new at this you know
Too bad he didn’t live long enough, to find out how it’d go

Well, there is no use of wasting meat, I’ll take a roast and fillet strips
A wet thunk or two, shattered bones, slick parts so hard to grip

Now the scent of barbecue, floats in the air so sweet
In the kitchen of the hostel-house, they all line up to eat

I’ve made my mystery recipe, this sauce is a secret blend
The party’s for you good folks; my stay in Sweden to end

Eat up, there’s some right here, more meat to go around
The burgers are medium-rare, the sausage is freshly ground

Delighted students and traveling bums, ate it all right up
Killer thought them very nice, as they all raised up their cups

Day is breaking o’er the horizon, Killer’s finally on his way
He whistles underneath his breath, as he starts a brand new day

The party was a big success, but there’s no new recipes
Oh well, it would’ve been wasted; on untrained palettes such as these

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

Killer on the loose again though I am not sure about the title did you mean Hostile as in aggressive, or Hostel as in a hotel or boarding room lol.
Great bit of killer here and it's so good to see that he is OK I was a little worried that he had left the country, Take care young man, Yours Ian.T
.
PS:- he could be a friend of that Bates bloke who ran an hotel ???

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

sworn that I had answered this comment but... maybe I didn't hit the post button or something.
I did indeed, mean 'Hostel' = meaning hotel or inn., boarding house Yes, Killer is in Sweden right now, but he is on his way again and I'm not sure where! Thanks for the read and comment, ~ Gee

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author comment

I am sure you did answer my comment, as I think I replied to it also.
Never mind I suppose this hostel stuff is a flashback to clearing up after that Bates character in psycho lol, I shall have to have a think more about Killer if he is on the move,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

The only suggestion I might make to this wonderful poem
your first line seems weak
stepping softly?
this is a strong intense poem and I feel "softly" doesn't quite slam into you

perhaps

with unheard steps
or something of the like

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

that you were right about the stepping softly. I think that stepping stealthy sounds better and still gives the impression of moving quietly to avoid detection. Thanks Chrys. ~ Gee

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author comment

Much better now it has that sinister feel to it Thanks for giving my suggestion consideration and using it I appreciate it

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

with pleasure that I took your idea and made my work better. Thank You!
Love ya, ~ Gee

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author comment

Well you fooled me. I thought Killer's surgery was going to take place a bit lower lol. A few ideas you can smoke over :
S-2,l-1 swap black with gray
S-3,l-1 swap paths with byways (not really sure why these might sound better. Maybe stressed syllables?)
S-6,l-1 add heavy in front of muscled
S-12,l-1 try : the bench shakes with..............
If none of these seem right to you , trash them because it's possibly how I'm reading this.................stan PS almost forgot to say I like the hostel/hostile thing lol

I took some of your ideas and used them. I think that I will leave the paths and byways the way they are. I guess I wrote it different than you are reading it. LOL
I thought that it might be too predictable to let Killer operate in the lower realm, so I took it to the extreme other end. And I am glad that you liked the hostile/hostel thing; as you put it. Thank you for the constructive criticism.
As always, ~ Gee

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author comment

Have read the first two lines again, to me the alley and the little garden park contradict each other.
An Alley should be leading onto a little garden park not the act of patrolling them both at the same time.
Time and space are mixed here so I shall have a meddle:-

Stealthily from alleys shadow, moving in the dark.
Killer began patrolling, the little garden park..

If you see what I mean he has to either be in one or the other, so he has to leave the alley, it can be written in several ways.
Hey I am critiquing or whatever the word is, but I can be forgiven as it is to do with the theme. I will wait to see your reply..
Yours as always Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Killer. He makes my day!!! At first I thought he was going to be fixing the bottom front end since he was dealing with a pervert, my muse got excited for a moment!! Removing the diseased mind is just as good! Still doesn't take the place of the electric guitar up the guy's a**!!!! But none the less, brought a smile to my face!!!

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

made your day. I thought that it would add a new twist, to have Killer try to help the poor guy out. Unfortunately,
Killer doesn't have the expertise to pull it off. Oh well, he did get some good steaks and made the party a big success! Love ya, ~ Gee

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author comment

Killer was amazing as usual. Stay tuned I am working on introducing my muse. got a rough copy in front of me..gonna try to post it tonight before I fall asleep. love ya, LH

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

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