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Honest
Wrong place if heaven is what you seek,
My heart’s a total wreck whose pieces still I am trying to pick,
Most of the time depression is the only friend I have,
And she is, besides you, a lady I truly love,
Might be unfair to you but I loved her first,
Like a come and go guest she never really left,
I knew her first when heavens smiled upon my mother,
I met her again when my first lover loved some other,
See, she might have kept me sad but I learnt to love her
I love you and in time I hope I will love you than I love her
If you stay know you this, I am an art yet to be perfected
Yet with all my flaws and all I will never let you feel neglected.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
Contest:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
neopoet
Fri, 2024-01-12 11:51
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Honest" explores themes of heartbreak, depression, and the complexity of love. The speaker's honesty and vulnerability are evident throughout the poem. Here are some suggestions for further improvement:
1. Consider refining the structure: The poem could benefit from a more consistent structure or rhythm. Currently, the lines vary in length and rhythm, which can make the poem feel disjointed. Experiment with different poetic forms or meters to enhance the flow and coherence of the poem.
2. Expand on emotions: While the poem touches on themes of heartbreak and depression, it would be beneficial to delve deeper into these emotions. Explore the specific feelings associated with these experiences, allowing the reader to empathize with the speaker's pain and struggles.
3. Use vivid imagery: Incorporating vivid imagery can help create a more immersive experience for the reader. Try to paint a picture with your words, using sensory details and metaphorical language to evoke emotions and enhance the overall impact of the poem.
4. Clarify
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