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A Handful of Sparrows

Submitted by Diatom Shells on Thu, 2012-08-09 20:13

I have opened my heart wide,
like a blanket being opened above a bed.
The constant kick in synch
with the music of your words,
So soft spilling like honey in the air.
A whisper...
A floating feather,
A single cotton petal sifting sorrow
with powder and bread.

Inner beauty...
Inner beauty...
Forgive me and forget it.

I have sown a song for you.
I will reap the rewards of a tune.
A color not defined by light,
but by every sound that proceeds
from the mouth.
Singing is a web of bone-white vowels
laying naked in the spectrum on your tongue.

I met your angel last night.
He told me you created a note so wide,
you had to crack the surface of skin just to finish it.
Then I heard you fall and bend in half
like melting candlesticks.

Inner light...
Inner light...
Forgive me for forgetting it.

Do you remember the door
you came in the first time?
You took the spoil thereof
and sold it for two farthings.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
"Are not five sparrows sold for two farthings, and not one is forgotten before God?" Luke 12:6
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Dalton

Thu, 2012-08-09 20:46

First of all I remember you from the old site before the server crash and loved your poems then. So glad you are back on Neopoet. About the poem great what you have here but I think it needs tweaking. Its late so I'll after come back and reread this one a few times. I'd love to know your thoughts behind this poem. Welcome back

John

Diatom Shells

Fri, 2012-08-10 16:15

I agree it needed tweaking it still does but as for thoughts it's more about sadness as that is where my heart dwells with every good gift that comes from above, nice speaking with you guys again!

author comment

Dalton

Fri, 2012-08-10 16:24

i just think its a great change in style from the poems you posted to the old site which although were kind of short and snappy were on a biblical theme one way or another. Despite being beautiful that theme is what made them really stand out on the site in modern poetry in general

John

Ian.T

Fri, 2012-08-10 02:18

Ian.T's picture
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Love,y to have you return to us here, I hope that your travels away have been good for you.
This poem is as I remember your ways deep thought, and beautiful feelings..
Not sure of the form but the words override a need for that, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Diatom Shells

Fri, 2012-08-10 16:46

Thank you for the welcomes I missed this place, yes I don't do well with form or meter or well any boxes or parameters maybe one day I'll learn :) thanks for your kind words Ian!

author comment

Dalton

Fri, 2012-08-10 18:04

I don't agree with the science of poetry so to speak. To me its always been the emotion or feeling or personal message behind the words that mattered. Most of what I write comes out in a splurge. From where I know not. It doesn't take away from you your natural gift just because you don't follow the rules so to speak. So don't worry the poem speaks for itself

John

Ian.T

Sat, 2012-08-11 03:53

Ian.T's picture
Volunteer badge

I have spent 55 years writing bits and pieces of all types and find this learning of form a hard job, and I really infuriate some of the masters sometimes lol
:-) You just write each piece as you normally do then just take notice of what they say.
Join the workshop that suits you there is no hurry.
When St Peter asks you what you have done
Just say I joined Neopoet it was such fun lol
Take care, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Kailashana2

Fri, 2012-08-10 06:41

DIATOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am pleased as punch to read you again. Hope all is well and can I say I missed you? Your work is on a very short stack of my beloved poets.

I posted one of your poems (I forget where) with your handle, didn't have your real name. The old Poetry Chaikhana forum (now Delightedteahouse) is in the process of completing an anthology. (I think there's 20 poets.) Barry and I each have 8 poem in them. I wish yours were included. Perhaps if you join, and then submit your poems for the next one. We've got so much good work between us. I think it will raise the level of love, conscious awareness and joy to all its readers.

All proceeds will go to a children's charity.

Love. Can you see me doing the happy dance? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zlfKdbWwruY

Diatom Shells

Fri, 2012-08-10 20:21

Hey sweety, I missed you so much and your poems! I would love to join your other forum I haven't been writing what seems like eternity. Now I have been trying to get the pen exercising again me and her have been in a fight for while, I slammed her down a few times and now I've made up with her :) I am very excited to be back here but do you mean the site crashed and everything is lost now I tried to sign in my old account and search my poems but they weren't there cause I thought I might have forgotten my password but nope, nuttin'!

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