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Garden Variety... [Titles Workshop]

The garden grows from seeds and time
with water and hard toil
with sun and sweat from his brow
as he works this tired soil

Vegetables and flowers bloom
as the season marches on
And he will reap the rewards
and a bounty will be won

The air is clean, the breezes blow
the work is good for him
His muscles grow with the crops
he goes from fat to thin

So, work away in the dirt
keep your body lean
Eat your veggies, staying healthy
make sure you eat your greens

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
I was going to use another poem for the workshop, but decided to write a new one after seeing someone working in his garden.
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

This feels happy - the pattern, the pacing, the theme. Even the soil seems re-energized in the end. The word 'Bounty' stood out to me, and would be my title suggestion.
Thank you!
L

a lovely poem
isnt it amazing how we can find those wonderful moments to write about! full of imagery too.

this could also be nice for school children as not so many understand about the true value of veg.

could be

raking the goodness?
I'm back to leave another

Crops of gold.

I'm back again

Farmers pride

I am so enjoying this workshop!

I hope you find some ideas I very much like the one lavender left too.

Thank you...Teddy

for your suggestions on a title and for the praise you have given for a poem designed to work for any age. ~ Geezer.
.

Honest critique and comments shouldn't hurt.
It's why we are here, to get better at our craft.

author comment

A mouth watering poem from your flowing ink.

I would steer clear of words like 'garden' in my title, we have enough of those in the bible.
For a title I would go with something like ''The Tender of the Tilling' (Were it I who had to christen the new born verse for a thanksgiving grace).

.......................................
Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan
.......................................

Working for Food ~ Geezer.
.

Honest critique and comments shouldn't hurt.
It's why we are here, to get better at our craft.

author comment

Double excellent!
L

Hmmmm...... hmmmm..... Sound thoughtful enough lol? I would consider a simple one word poem.."Growing" maybe? It would perhaps pull a reader in to see What was growing plus also cover the garden as well as the man growing

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